


Sukea

by MisatosPenPen



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-19 15:41:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20659622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisatosPenPen/pseuds/MisatosPenPen
Summary: Sasuke meets Sukea again, still totally unaware who he really is. Things get complicated for Kakashi when Sasuke expresses feelings for his false identity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Posting the first chapter of this story in honor of Kakashi's birthday!
> 
> Just because I don't want to have to alter scenes to compensate for Sasuke missing an arm, he's not missing an arm. Let's pretend they didn't obliterate each other's arms in that final battle.

Sukea was born on a mission nine years ago. Kakashi needed a cover and created the personae of a photojournalist. He’d used a few other disguises over the years that revealed his face, but this was the one he chose to fuck with his students one day. He helped them spy on his own clone and try to find or take a picture of himself maskless. It had been a lot of fun and also taught the trio a little more about teamwork.

After that little escapade, he found other uses for it. It was a wonderful way to find out information that people wouldn’t tell Hatake Kakashi, but they would gossip with a random, no name photographer. People sometimes opened up for a journalist.

A few months had passed since the end of the war. Sasuke was home and had returned to Team Kakashi. Kakashi had successfully argued that there were too many important missions right now to take him off active duty and make him Hokage. Tsunade was well, so she will stay in her position a little while longer. With that reprieve, Kakashi relished his time with his grown students.

But there were times when he needed to get away from himself, go out and not be ‘Hatake Kakashi’ and just be a man looking for a drink. People watched Kakashi, wanting to see behind his mask, they gossiped when they saw him, or stopped gossiping. People acted very different around the famous Copy-nin. But no one noticed the lanky photographer. No one cared about Sukea.

Tonight, the brown-haired man with grey eyes chose an upper middle-class restaurant to drink at. He was on his way to the well-stocked and reasonably priced bar, when someone called out to him.

“Sukea.” The voice was deep and familiar. Kakashi turned to see Sasuke sitting in a booth by the wall.

“Ah, Sasuke-kun,” he greeted good humoredly.

“Want to join me?”

Kakashi was surprised by Sasuke’s invitation. He saw no reason not to accept. And it would be fun to deceive the young man again.

Kakashi sat down across from the sixteen-year-old. He was nearly seventeen. He couldn’t say that time had flown by since he felt the passing of every day since Sasuke ran away to train under Orochimaru, but time was moving a little more swiftly than Kakashi would have liked. He wished his students were still young and cute. And stupid. That made his smile at Sasuke more genuine.

Sasuke had ordered a full meal and had barely started. “I was only intending to have a drink at the bar,” Kakashi admitted. “But I think I’ll have a little something.”

“It’s been, what, four years since you tried to help us see Kakashi’s face?”

“Has it been that long? That was fun. Did you ever see it?”

“Never.”

A waiter came to take Kakashi’s order, including beer. If he was going to fuck around with an Uchiha, he wanted his wits about him; sake had the tendency to go to his head.

“I still think people would pay to see the famous Copy-nin’s face. But the man is too cunning.”

Sasuke smirked. “I bet the others would be up to another mission to unmask him.”

“Maybe sometime. Where are they? Why eating alone? I wouldn’t think you’d have trouble finding company.”

“I don’t have a lot of adult friends and my own generation aren’t great conversationalist.”

“Really?” This was peaking Kakashi’s interest.

“I didn’t grow up the way they did, I don’t have a lot of shared experiences since I was a reclusive orphan and then left the village for three years. I just don’t have anything to talk about with them.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“I don’t really care. I’m not generally lonely. What have you been up to since I last saw you?”

“Little more than work.”

Sasuke gave him a sly look. “As a photographer.”

“Yeah.”

“I have a hunch you’re still a shinobi, but I won’t pry.”

“My work isn’t interesting enough to talk about, whatever it might be.”

And from there they just chatted. It was small talk that didn’t venture too far into either of their lives but alleviated the silence and loneliness they had expected this evening.

Soon, their meals were done. Sasuke insisted on paying. “I dragged you into ordering a meal. I’ll pay. I’d also like to see you again. I have a mission tomorrow. I’ll be back in three days. Would you like to join me for dinner again?”

“Yes, I would.”

Sasuke almost gave a full smile. “Three days, here, about seven?”

“I’ll be here.”

They went their separate ways. Kakashi took some pains to make sure he wasn’t followed home.

He had an unexpectedly pleasant evening with his student. He was looking forward to their next meeting.


	2. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am overwhelmed by the response to this story's first chapter. I hope it continues to meet (or exceed) your expectations!

Of course, their next meeting was as captain and subordinate. Sasuke was dour as ever. However, he seemed to be a little lighter though he didn’t have any real expression. Maybe his eyebrows were a little less drawn, his eyes brighter.

Or Kakashi was imagining it.

“At least you’re not the latest one today,” Sasuke sneered.

“Where are Naruto and Sakura?” Kakashi asked.

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow, silently saying ‘how would I know?’ He closed his eyes and leaned further back on the wall he was standing against.

“You may be taller, but you really haven’t changed,” Kakashi said.

Sasuke glanced at him again, but with less hostility.

Finally, the two ran up. “We were here early, and a team came through with injuries,” Sakura explained. “I did some healing and Naruto carried one of them to the hospital.”

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow at them.

“We can’t begrudge you that,” Kakashi said. “We’re not very late. But we have quite a bit of ground to cover, so let’s be off.”

\-----

Sukea was early. Kakashi didn’t look hurried, but he rushed home to shower and transform into his other persona. He tried to look natural as he waited outside the restaurant. Sasuke turned up freshly showered as well, wearing the same casual clothes he wore at the last dinner.

Sasuke’s face lit up at seeing him which made Kakashi feel lighter. Sasuke wasn’t much for smiling and Kakashi couldn’t remember seeing him smile before, at least not without a smirk or some evil intent. He didn’t quite smile now, but his eyes did.

“It’s nice to not have to wait for someone,” Sasuke said lightly as he walked up to him.

“Eh? Are you talking about your infamous captain? Is he still always late?”

“Always.”

“That man never changes.”

Sasuke asked for a back booth for his own privacy.

“That’s right, you knew Kakashi,” Sasuke said once their waiter left.

“I don’t know him well; we were in ANBU at the same time.”

They ordered their food.

“You said some things happened and you left ANBU. I’m curious what made you leave.”

Kakashi hesitated.

“I’m sorry; that’s a very personal question.”

“I’ll tell you. ANBU is a place where you stick to the darkness and mostly carry out assassinations or prevent them. You see and do so many dark things that it’s easy to get lost in it. That was happening to me. The people around me grew concerned and asked the Hokage that I be released from my ANBU duties. He agreed. I was lucky I had people to pull me back from the abyss. But that’s similar to you, isn’t it? You have friends who wouldn’t let you remain in your darkness.”

“Yes. I am truly grateful for them.” Sasuke surprised him by looking so serene. It made Kakashi smile, but it was a sad smile. Despite it all, Sasuke was still isolated. Yet, Sasuke was opening up to Sukea.

“Please, count me as a friend,” Kakashi asked.

“I already do.”

That warmed Kakashi.

Their food arrived.

“Were you waiting long?” Sasuke asked once they took their first few bites.

“No. I thought you might be held up or not even able to make it; I was prepared to wait. Missions can take longer than anticipated after all.”

“It was a common enough little mission,” Sasuke said, dismissing Sukea’s concerns. “Any one of my team could have done it solo. They’re still trying to acclimate me to working on a team again. I’ve been on teams; I just prefer working alone. I’m used to it; I often did missions for Orochimaru alone.”

“I liked working alone too. I learned to value my comrades though. I still find it hard to fully trust others’ abilities, but I learned that teamwork is invaluable.”

“Kakashi hammered that into us, but I also don’t trust other people. I do trust my team, but I don’t like having to depend on anyone.”

“At least you have teammates you do trust.”

“Hn. Did you go on a mission?” Sasuke asked.

“I’m not a shinobi anymore.”

“Of course. Any interesting work?”

“No. Just documenting the rebuilding effort here in Konoha.”

Sasuke smirked; he was convinced Sukea was not retired. “You must have more interesting jobs.”

“I travel around for stories.”

“To the east and west?” Sasuke asked with a smirking smile, remembering their first meeting.

“Naturally.”

“No breaking into ANBU records?”

“Not recently,” Kakashi answered with a soft smile.

“Doing a thing like that again sounds like fun.”

“What do you do for fun?” Kakashi was honestly curious.

“Fun?” Sasuke considered. “The closest thing to fun I’ve had is missions. I do find some missions enjoyable, but real fun? I don’t think I’ve done something like that since that little mission of ours four years ago.”

“I understand enjoying missions, but it’s unfortunate you don’t have something fun to do.”

Sasuke shrugged. “I haven’t had time to play games. I don’t have much in the way of friends either. Work, training, and meditating, that’s all I really do.”

Kakashi’s eyes were soft, almost sympathetic. “That’s regrettable, not having friends. You said you couldn’t speak to your contemporaries, but what about your sensei?”

“I don’t really think of him as my sensei anymore; he’s our captain now. Things have been awkward with him since before I came home. I’m embarrassed by my words and behavior. He must forgive me to some extent to work with me, but I don’t know it for a fact.”

“You should try talking to him; clear the air.”

“Hn,” Sasuke agreed.

“You don’t talk to your teammates, so why is it you talk to me?”

“We have history, but it isn’t negative like it is with everyone else I know. You also must know what I’ve done—whether you’re a journalist or a shinobi—but you’re still willing to spend time with me and you seem comfortable. Most people are tense when I’m around. I find you familiar and refreshing.”

Kakashi almost blushed. “Thank you. I do know a good bit of your history, but I don’t believe you had bad intentions.”

“Oh, but at one point, I did. I considered burning this village to ground. I was a little . . . stressed at the time.”

That made Kakashi chuckle. Stressed was the understatement of the year.

They felt very easy with each other and the meals they ordered met with the other’s taste. Sasuke asked to try some of Kakashi’s fish and took a morsel with permission and offered Kakashi the same. They ended up picking off each other’s plates freely.

“What did happen between you and your sensei anyway? If you don’t mind my asking.”

Sasuke chewed silently for a minute. His expression was contemplative, not angry. “Where should I start?” he asked with a slight huff.

“When did it start going bad?”

“I guess the very night I left the village. He took me under his wing and trained me, but when I saw Naruto was more powerful than me, I snapped. He tried to calm me down, even sharing some personal information with me—which I will not be sharing with a journalist. I might have stayed, but Orochimaru’s personal guard came for me that same night. The reason I left was that I felt I needed more power quickly, that I was wasting my time in Konoha. I had to get stronger; not just stronger, but stronger than Naruto. If I couldn’t beat Naruto, I couldn’t beat my brother.

“Orochimaru did have much to teach me and I don’t regret my time with him. Everyone might believe he corrupted my heart, but I just shut it away, only feeling and feeding my desire for revenge.

“I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but I didn’t kill Orochimaru, I absorbed him, overcame his consciousness which was trying to take me over. I didn’t kill my brother either. He was ill and he fought until he dropped dead right in front of me. He meant to give me peace, but before I could find it, one of the Akatsuki told me the truth about my brother.”

Kakashi nodded. “The story of your brother has circulated the shinobi world; you don’t need to reopen that wound.”

“I joined Akatsuki, to avenge my brother. It was after I defeated Danzo that I met Kakashi again. I was just so full of rage. I said some terrible things and tried to kill all three of my former teammates, the only family I had left. If they were dead, I could do anything; no conscience, no mercy, no looking back. Kakashi stopped me from killing Sakura and Naruto stopped me from attacking Kakashi.

“I still wanted to destroy everything that existed at my brother’s expense. But then I met my reanimated brother and he helped dissuade me. It was talking to the former Hokage that led me to join the war. Though, even after that, I still wanted to kill the Kage and Naruto and destroy the tailed beasts. Kakashi was angry with me.” His smirk was very nearly a smile.

“I had plans to create a lasting peace in this world by bearing the hatred of all shinobi and keeping them unified, to create a new world where the tragedies of the past would not be repeated. But Naruto didn’t agree with me.

“We didn’t really talk after the war, Kakashi and I. He really just accepted me back, but I still feel we never settled things between us. He still smiles and jokes around, acting like a lazy, carefree bastard, but I keep wondering how he really feels. He acts like he trusts me, but I doubt it. Naruto does; we really did settle things. Sakura will love me no matter what. But Kakashi . . . He’s too wise to trust me.”

“Humph. I guess I’m just as foolish as your friends Naruto and Sakura.”

“Not foolish. Just . . . uneducated.” Sasuke smirked with good humor and Kakashi returned it.

“No, he can trust me. So can you.”

“I do. And I think he does too. Kakashi’s not a man who hides his resentments. Trust me; he’s very blunt when he doesn’t trust or believe in you.”

“Hmmm. He did tell us flat out when he met us that he thought we were a bunch of idiots. He was probably right.”

“He’ll tell you bluntly that you’re unreliable or an idiot, that he thinks you’ll die or get your comrades killed because he expects you do something about that. He wants you to earn his trust and respect.”

“I’m trying. I complete our missions faithfully and to the best of my abilities. I want to earn it.”

“I’m sure you have. If you hadn’t, he’d have told you. I have known him longer than you have. I think he always trusted and respected you. We were never close, but I can tell you I never saw him happier than when he was your jounin sensei.”

Sasuke deflated a bit. “And I ruined that happiness.”

“He was darker in ANBU, but we were all darker then. Except that kid from Root. Going from Root to ANBU is a step toward the light; going from a regular shinobi to ANBU is step toward the dark.

“He was worried about you after you left, but I don’t think he was disappointed in you.” Kakashi didn’t think he ever felt _disappointed _in Sasuke until that little reunion after he killed Danzo. Maybe he felt disappointed in himself since he couldn’t keep Sasuke from leaving and seeking power and revenge. “But then again, I don’t really know him that well. Talk to him. I’m sure he doesn’t resent you. Talk to him.”

“I will. Thank you for listening to my problems. Thank you for your advice.”

“You’re welcome. What are friends for?” Kakashi smiled.

Sasuke almost smiled.

They both stretched as they stepped back out onto the street.

“I’d like to continue hanging out with you,” Sasuke said.

“I keep my ear to the ground, so I’ll know when you’re in town.”

“Need to keep your cover?”

“I’m—”

“—retired, I know.”

\-----

The next mission was a long one. They were deep in the Land of Rivers. Sasuke took first watch, he stared at the fire, his sword leaning on his shoulder. Kakashi napped, but he wasn’t deeply asleep since he had second watch. He gave up on trying to actually sleep and got up to sit beside Sasuke. Sasuke didn’t ask stupid questions, just accepted that his captain joined him.

“Want to go to sleep?” Kakashi asked quietly. “I’ll start my watch.”

“Actually, I’d like to talk to you, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.” They were quiet enough not to wake their teammates.

“I wanted to apologize for the things I did and said just before the war. I don’t regret joining Orochimaru because I learned much from him, but I regret my behavior afterward to you three, especially my words to you. I wanted to properly apologize. Clear the air between us.”

“You did break my heart, but I understand. You came back, that’s what’s important. I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“Actually, I’m very proud of you. The Third may have been a little ashamed of Orochimaru, but I am immensely proud of you. You became more powerful than me, took my own technique to heights I couldn’t imagine, and you were tempted by evil, but you resisted it.”

Sasuke smiled softly. “Even I’m not proud of all that I did. It means a lot that you feel pride for me. Thank you.”

Kakashi put a fatherly hand on Sasuke’s neck. “Get some sleep.”

Sasuke did as he was told. Kakashi was glad that he, as Sukea, convinced Sasuke to talk to him. He’d been truthful: he was very proud of Sasuke. Maybe now that was off Sasuke’s chest, they could be closer.

\-----

Kakashi practically teleported home to change into his other identity. He did his best to look unflustered when he leaned up against a wall outside Sasuke’s apartment building. Kakashi knew Sasuke would decompress after the mission on the training grounds before going home. He wasn’t sure if he was early or late, but he loitered there for half an hour. He was about to just go up to Sasuke door, when Sasuke appeared down the street.

“Eh, Sukea?”

“I heard you were back. Want to have dinner again? After you freshen up, of course.”

Kakashi died a little when Sasuke smiled at him.

“How about sushi tonight?” Sasuke suggested.

Kakashi nodded. “I’ll meet you at the sushi bar in an hour.”

\-----

They sat next to each other at the bar. This was a fancier place; it was quite and nearly empty.

“I took your advice and I talked to Kakashi.” Sasuke blushed. “He forgave me and said he was proud of me.”

“I’m glad! I knew he wouldn’t hold anything against you.”

“Thank you for encouraging me to talk to him. It was terribly awkward though.”

Kakashi was surprised by that; he didn’t think the conversation was awkward at all. Sasuke seemed calm and confident. If anything, Kakashi had put himself out there more, bearing his own heart to Sasuke. Sasuke did little more than apologize.

“I’m not good with people. I don’t normally talk as much as I talk to you.”

“You do fine with me.”

“I find you easy to talk to. I’m not sure why.”

“Whatever the reason, I’m glad.”

They started talking about the state of the village. There was talk of expanding. With the entire village basically being flattened, everything would be new and modernized. Also, with the end of a major war, though many had died, population booms tended to follow. New alliances and modernization would likely bring a longer peace and more innovation and entertainment. Their world was about to change.

“I don’t know how I feel about that,” Sasuke admitted. “I started to hate this village because my family was sacrificed to preserve it, but it was also my home. Now, it doesn’t look or feel the same. Part of me is glad, but I feel estranged from it as well.”

“I’m not too fond of the changes either. I may leave a lot, but I always come home. It doesn’t look like my home, but the people who I care about and care about me are here, so it is home.”

“You have a family?” Sasuke asked.

“No. All shinobi; all dead.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything, but the way he looked down, he was commiserating with him. They were both orphans.

“But I have friends. Just a few, but they are something to come home to.”

“You’re the only friend I have who isn’t on my team. I have been looking forward to seeing you when I come home.”

“I’m glad. I look forward to our meetings too.”

“Maybe you and I should sneak into the records room again, hunt out Kakashi’s file again.”

“I don’t know. With your recent history, you may get into a lot more trouble than a little scolding from the Hokage and your sensei.”

“That’s true. We should cook up another little mission though, just for fun.”

“A prank on one of your teammates? Trick your captain into showing his face?”

Sasuke’s smile was slightly evil. “Something like that. As long as you’re not rusty,” he said with a slight mock.

“Rusty? You have no idea how much shinobi skills aide in journalism.”

\-----

The day after they came home from their next mission, Kakashi went to Sasuke’s apartment. He was home as always.

“Hungry?” Sukea asked.

“Famished.”

Ichiraku Ramen tonight. Sasuke approached carefully as if they were approaching a well-fortified enemy base. He was tense and searched the area, moving his eyes far more than his head.

“Um, something the matter?” Kakashi asked.

“Naruto practically lives here. I don’t want him interrupting us.”

Kakashi laughed. “If he’s anything like he was before, we’d hear him long before he could spot either of us.”

“Hn.” But Sasuke relaxed and raised the banner with the back of his hand, hesitating to check that the coast was clear, then he sat down.

They ordered their ramen and reminisced over their first meeting.

“Did you ever learn how to pick a lock?” Kakashi teased.

“That was high level ANBU lock.” Sasuke almost pouted. “I would have had it in another minute or two.”

“I presume you could open one now in a reasonable time.”

“Of course.”

“I nearly wet myself when we were caught.”

“Honestly, me too. I really believe his secrets are protected by some sort of divines.”

Kakashi laughed. “The way we were crossed at every turn, I believe it.”

Sasuke laughed at his own thought. “I remember how Sakura said she hated handsome guys who do nasty things. In retrospect, wouldn’t that be me?”

Kakashi laughed. “I almost blushed when she said I was handsome! Poor girl; she has poor taste in men.”

“She may hate us handsome bad boys, but she can’t help crushing on us.”

“From the sound of that, I guess you don’t share her feelings.”

“I guess I need to think about my clan, but I’m not even seventeen. Those are responsibilities I don’t want to trouble with yet.”

“So, ‘maybe’?”

“I don’t know. I know she loves me, but I’m not sure I can requite her feelings.”

“She seems like a sweet girl with strength to her. However, it’s important that you’re happy too. You should find someone who you love.”

“Hn,” he said with soft smile. “You are probably the only person who considers my own wants and happiness. Everyone else expects so much of me or thinks they know better. I even felt pressure when I was living with Orochimaru; most of it was from myself, but the old snake had expectations too. Normal people have no idea how lucky they are. To be free of all this pressure to be powerful and carry on a noble clan.”

“I understand some of what you feel; I put a lot on myself to become a great shinobi, but I can’t know just how hard it’s all been for you.”

“Hn. I’m glad someone can understand, even a little.”

“I’m sure most young members of noble clans feel the same.”

“Member of a noble clan?” Sasuke eyed him playfully.

“Nope. My family is nothing special.”

“Hn.”

\-----

They met again a week later. Kakashi would have sought Sasuke out right after their last mission, but he didn’t want to come off as desperate or clingy. He was supposed to be a journalist who was often out of the village anyway.

Sasuke was wearing a nicer outfit than usual, a black montsuki, an open halfcoat with his family crest on either side of his chest. He wore a normal black shirt under it and normal dark grey pants. It was a nice mixture of traditional and modern. Kakashi felt underdressed.

“Are we going somewhere fancy?” Kakashi asked.

“No. I just don’t get to wear my montsuki often. I’m a traditionalist at heart.”

“Well, it looks great.”

“Thank you. I had it made shortly after I arrived home.”

They walked from Sasuke’s apartment building to a restaurant which specialized in traditional dishes, matching Sasuke’s attire. They took a booth near the back.

They shared an ala carte meal of sashimi, unagi, oden, and onigiri and started swapping stories.

“Then my teammate runs up, trying to be all cool with his moves, and falls flat on his face.”

Sasuke nearly laughed out loud, covering his smile and silent snort of humor with his hand.

“I was shocked he didn’t break his nose or a cheekbone,” Kakashi added, nearly laughing himself. “I was so pissed at the time, I didn’t laugh. Even having faceplanted in the mud, he still was trying to be all suave and confident in front of us.”

“He reminds me of Naruto,” Sasuke said. “Always trying to impress Sakura or show me up. He was the worst student in my class. The first time we went up against Kakashi, Kakashi got behind the little idiot. He made the seal of the tiger. I thought he was going to use a fire jutsu and just annihilate the loser. Kakashi called it ‘Secret Hidden Finger Jutsu: A Thousand Years of Death.”

Kakashi had to suppress any expression of remembrance or humor.

“It was just that prank . . . what was it called? Kanchō? He poked him in the ass hard enough to send him flying.”

Kakashi let out his suppressed laugher. It was even funnier now than it was at the time.

“When I went up against him, he buried me up to the neck in the ground using an earth style jutsu.”

Kakashi chucked at that.

“When Sakura came across me, she thought my head had been chopped off and was talking to her.”

Kakashi didn’t know about that; he must have been messing with Naruto at the time. He laughed harder than he ever had in his life. He knew he fucked with the girl’s head and she was a silly child, but that was hilarious. Sasuke started laughing as well, as much at the memory as in response to Sukea’s laughter.

“Of course, there was the time Naruto got up on the desk to glare at me and someone knocked him into me. I guess you could say that was my first kiss.”

Kakashi laughed.

“And then there was Seugetsu, my teammate after I defeated Orochimaru.”

“Don’t tell me he kissed you too.”

Sasuke smirked. “I stopped him from killing someone. He asked me menacingly how I was going to compensate him. He just wanted seven cups of yogurt.”

Kakashi figured that was the Kiri-nin. That shark-toothed psychopath having an obsession with yogurt was certainly funny.

“I had a male teammate once who got possessed by a girl—you don’t want to know the details—but seeing my kohai act like a little girl . . .” Kakashi clasped his hands and held them up to his face like an excited girl.

Sasuke laughed.

“He talked and acted like her for a bit. I didn’t tease him too much about it.”

“Naruto likes to transform into a naked woman as a distraction. She looks too much like Naruto for me to get distracted or attracted to her.”

“Is she sexy though?” Kakashi asked. “I am a photographer after all.”

Sasuke scoffed. “I like blondes as much as the next man, but I don’t find fem-Naruto all that sexy. I have to give Naruto the fact his chest is bigger than Sakura’s.”

That made Kakashi chuckle. Yeah, poor girl never did develop in that way. “I never thought about taking gravure photos.” He put his hand to his chin and considered it.

“I’m not sure there are many girls in this village would be good candidates. Except Ino maybe. Hinata too. Her father would eviscerate you though.”

Kakashi smiled.

“You’d have more luck with the men in this village,” Sasuke said. “They’re less likely to beat you senseless if you asked.”

“Yeah, the women of this village are pretty violent.”

“And the men are showoffs.”

“Particularly your team.”

“Not just my team. No one in this village seem to understand the concept of staying hidden in the shadows.”

“I’ll grant you that.”

“Except maybe you. I never heard of you before or after that mission four years ago.”

“I travel a lot.”

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow at him.

“You really don’t believe I’m retired.”

“I’ve been looking into you and there’s hardly a whisper about you. Where you were mentioned, it was in places and times when there appeared to be shinobi action.”

Kakashi cocked his head to the side. “The best kind of photographer is the kind that can stay hidden.”

\-----

They stepped out into the street together. It was a lovely evening. Kakashi took a deep breath.

“Walk with me,” Sasuke said.

“Alright.” Kakashi was enjoying his time with Sasuke and was happy for the excuse.

They didn’t talk; the silence was comfortable.

“Want some tea?” Sasuke asked when they arrived at his apartment building.

“I’d love some.”

This was Kakashi’s first time inside Sasuke’s apartment. It was spare and very traditional. The only real decoration was a blue banner with his clan symbol painted on it and a sword on a rack. The room was pretty depressing. It was a studio like his old one though this one was darker and less open. Kakashi remembered the large windows and sliding glass door to the balcony. This one had only one window over the bed. He didn’t like it. It was close to being claustrophobic, but felt like a den or warren, dark and cramped.

“Have a seat. I’ll start the water.”

There were two cushions at the low table, but one didn’t look like it’d ever been used. Sasuke never had visitors. The second cushion probably came with the table set. Kakashi took the newer cushion.

Sasuke busied himself with plating some rice crackers for snacks as the water heated. He added the tea leaves and water to the pot and brought it to the table, then retrieved the cups and crackers. Sasuke moved his cushion from opposite Kakashi to sharing a corner with him.

“Arigato,” Kakashi said as Sasuke took his seat. He was surprised Sasuke sat so close but wasn’t averse to it.

Sasuke poured for them both when it was finished steeping.

“Itadakimasu,” they said together before taking the first sip.

The easy silence lasted for half a cup.

“The tea is from Kiri,” Sasuke said.

“It’s very good.”

“That’s one of the benefits of this new peaceful world: better trade.”

They chatted for a while about the changing political landscape since the end of the war. New treaties and non-aggression pacts, trade deals and alliances. They finished the pot and Kakashi moved to lean back against the bare wall near him, Sasuke turned more to face him.

“I’m curious why a man like you isn’t married,” Sasuke said once the political topics had been exhausted.

“Hm? I almost had a girlfriend. I know she was serious about her feelings for me, but I felt unworthy of her affections. Before I could decide what my feelings were, she died. After that, I just didn’t put myself out there. I had a few one-night stands, but never a relationship.”

“There was a woman who was even more obsessed with me than Sakura. Karin. She was the first person I ever had sex with, but she drugged me.” He said it lightly and seemed amused by it. “A mild paralytic and an aphrodisiac. I’d stonewalled her very obvious attentions for so long, she got fed up and just, let’s be frank, raped me. Not to make light of such a thing, but I was more annoyed than anything. I didn’t feel violated really, just annoyed. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t really attracted to her. Yet, had she gotten pregnant from that, I might have felt a bit relieved to not be the last Uchiha—even though my brother was still alive at that point.”

“Wow. That’s goes way beyond stalker. I never had a woman that into me.”

“That surprises me. I mean, you are very attractive and soft spoken. And despite throwing us to wolves when we got caught in the archives, you don’t seem like a bad person.”

Kakashi smiled at the reminder. “Thank you. But I was ANBU; we’re all bad people.” Kakashi’s expression was pleasant.

“ANBU and shinobi, none of us are virtuous.”

“And I’m a journalist to boot. Scum of the earth,” he added good humoredly. “Is that girl still vying for your affections?”

“No, she’s staying with Orochimaru to make sure he remains a good boy after his ‘pardon’.”

“I guess it’s not unusual for a man as handsome as you to have stalkers.”

Sasuke suddenly looked more calculating. His eyes sharpened and his smirk relaxed.

“I used to have a few. I am a little disappointed Ino lost interest in me. She is a beautiful woman. Karin was fed up with me. Sakura is the only one now.”

“I doubt that. Maybe she’s the only one brave enough to make her feelings known.”

“True, there could more. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a few male admirers too.”

“No doubt,” Kakashi said sincerely. “You aren’t the most approachable person, but if you were, I’m sure you’d have your pick of the village, male and female.”

“My pick, eh? There’s really one person who’s attracted my attention.”

“Oh?” Kakashi was shocked that Sasuke was actually interested in someone. The part of him that felt parentally protective of his students was suspicious though. “Who’s that?”

“Beside my team, the one person who doesn’t fear me and enjoys my company.”

At first, Kakashi didn’t make the connection—he was on Sasuke’s team—but then he realized Sasuke meant ‘Sukea’. Him. A look at Sasuke’s eyes confirmed that.

“Eh? Me?”

“I don’t want to jeopardize the friendship we’ve built, but yeah, if you’re open to it.”

Kakashi was just shocked. The way they were both talking were like heterosexual men. What the honest fuck?

That question was plastered on his unmasked face.

“I’m actually bisexual,” Sasuke admitted.

“Oh.”

Sasuke gave him a full sincere smile at that simple response. “You really have become my closest friend in the last few weeks and become important to me. I also find you really attractive.”

Their proximity seemed far closer than it had a minute ago. All Sasuke had to do was unfold his legs and kneel forward to reach him. He hesitated before leaning in to kiss him.

Kakashi was a little less strict about his mask when having sex; he’d kissed two women who were among the few who had knowingly seen his face. One was just a few kisses during sex and the other he had made out with. So, he had experience in kissing, but never before had he felt pleasure just from a kiss. A thrill ran through him, making his cock harden.

Sasuke moved more in front of Kakashi to deepen the kiss. Fuuck. He tasted of tea, but he could also taste Sasuke’s native flavor. The kiss itself was softer than Kakashi would have imagined Sasuke to kiss. It wasn’t aggressive; no teeth, no jockeying for dominance, just tender exploration.

Sasuke put a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder to steady himself and reached down with his other hand to grab Kakashi’s and guide it to his own groin. Kakashi let himself be guided. He was surprised by the hardness he felt there. He’d never felt another man’s cock before, even through cloth. Kakashi was embarrassed at first, but then he realized Sasuke was aroused by him and he was flattered. He tentatively stroked Sasuke’s erection through his pants.

Sasuke moved his own hand to Kakashi’s hardening cock. Sasuke stroked when Kakashi stroked. It was such a strange sensation. It was like masturbation, but not. And it felt so good. He was fully hard after a few seconds.

Sasuke moaned and pulled back. “Sukea,” he whispered in a rough voice.

With every fiber of his being—and Kakashi was feeling every fiber right now—he wished his name was Sukea.

This time, Kakashi was the one who leaned in for a kiss. As much as he was turned on by all this, he wasn’t sure what he wanted, he just wanted this feeling to go on.

Sasuke was the one to pull away again. He gave a parting lick to Kakashi’s lips and then waited for Kakashi to open his eyes again. “I go both ways.”

That comment brought Kakashi back down to earth; his hand stilled. It wasn’t even just that Sasuke wanted to go all the way with him, it was that Sasuke just implied he’d had sex with a man before. And taken both roles. With who? But that wasn’t a question ‘Sukea’ could ask. Kakashi wasn’t even sure it was a question ‘Kakashi’ could ask.

Kakashi fumbled his response. “I’ve . . . never . . . with a man.”

Sasuke’s eyes grew softer rather than predatory or seductive. It looked like sympathy to Kakashi, but he wasn’t entirely sure that was something Sasuke possessed. Maybe that was just how Sasuke displayed affection. And that scared Kakashi more than anything else about this encounter.

Somehow, when Sasuke moved his hand from his erection to his thigh, it felt more intimate. The handjob was simple pleasure; the hand on the thigh was an invitation to something much more intimate.

Could Kakashi take that step? Should he take that step? His own student? A much younger man. A man.

But he wasn’t ‘Kakashi’ right now. Sasuke didn’t want to have sex with ‘Kakashi’, he wanted to have sex with ‘Sukea’.

The moment stretched. Sasuke understood and waited. Kakashi didn’t really come to a conclusion. But his hand came up and stroked Sasuke’s hair. He always loved Sasuke’s hair, how it seemed to shine blue in certain light, how it stuck out in the back. He never considered how soft it would be.

Then he let his hand stray down to Sasuke’s pale cheek. It was soft too. Sasuke shut his eyes and all his defenses dropped. Sasuke was suddenly laid bare. That scared Kakashi again. It wasn’t about ‘Kakashi’, Sasuke was putting himself in ‘Sukea’s’ hands. They were already intimate at this point. Sasuke was still fully clothed, but he was naked to him right now. Sasuke had no stoic expression to hide behind, no insulting smirk, his posture wasn’t closed off or defensive. There was potential here to learn who Sasuke really was.

But Sasuke didn’t want to expose himself to ‘Kakashi’, he wanted ‘Sukea’. Kakashi’s heart dropped. This wasn’t real. Yes, he found Kakashi attractive, but whatever Sasuke felt for him wasn’t for ‘him’. To accept Sasuke’s affections would be disingenuous.

Kakashi leaned forward to give Sasuke a short kiss on the lips. “I really want to, but what you’re offering . . . I haven’t earned it.”

Sasuke’s eyes had opened wider at the rejection, but they softened again when he understood. He gave Kakashi an identical kiss. “Didn’t you just earn it?” Sasuke asked, his lips moving against Kakashi’s.

“No.”

Sasuke granted him a small smile and then leaned in to hug him. Kakashi answered the embrace, holding his dear student tightly. “Earn it,” Sasuke whispered.

Kakashi’s arms and lips trembled. It had been only a scant few minutes since Sasuke initiated the first kiss. It took that long for Kakashi to fall in love. He didn’t know what Sasuke actually felt for him or for Sukea.

“You aren’t going to wander off now, are you?” Sasuke asked into the silence.

“It is my job.”

“As long as you come back.”

“I always do.”

Sasuke pulled back again and gave Kakashi a brief kiss. “Hn.”

\-----

By the time Kakashi got home—longer than normal since he made sure Sasuke didn’t follow him—his erection was gone. He unpinned his wig with frustration. He never intended this. He tossed the wig onto a dresser and sat on his bed. He rubbed his newly freed hair.

He wondered where Sasuke got that confidence. As far as he knew, Sasuke had never approached anyone for sex or a relationship, so how could he come on to ‘Sukea’ so easily? But, _as far as he knew_, Sasuke was a virgin and that appeared to be false. The thought of Sasuke having sex aroused him, but it also angered him. Sasuke was barely an adult! Who was it? He hoped it wasn’t Orochimaru. Or Kabuto. The thought of either of them having sex, much less with Sasuke, made him shudder. He crossed his arms over his stomach as if in pain.

Sasuke had to be experienced. The way he kissed and touched him. The confidence with which he seduced him. He felt a throb deep inside him accompanied by a weeping of precum coming from his cock. His erection was back full force.

He stood to push down his pants and boxers, freeing his cock. He sat back down and lay back to tug at his erection. He brought a hand up and rubbed the back of his hand against his lips hoping that could recall the ecstasy of Sasuke’s lips. It didn’t. He fisted the sheets instead as he masturbated. Just the thought of Sasuke and sex had his cock throbbing.

He knew his own cock well and knew how to bring himself of quickly, but the orgasm that was approaching was more powerful than any before. That hand on the sheets returned his to mouth the stifle the cry of pleasure.

He pumped his cock a few more times as he rode out his orgasm. His stomach was glittering in the faint light from the window on the sheen of sweat and the splashes of semen.

He dropped both his arms to the bed. He felt empty. That wasn’t a foreign feeling after jerking off, but it seemed deeper and more hollow this time.

Sasuke probably jerked off as soon as he left.

Kakashi felt more ashamed than he ever had in life. He deceived his student, kissed him, then jerked off to him. He felt dirty and empty. But his lips tingled with the memory of that kiss and the desire for another. His skin puckered at the remembered heat of Sasuke’s touch even through his clothes.

He lay a little longer then got up to shower, shedding the rest of Sukea along the way. Kakashi normally slept without his mask, but he couldn’t tonight. In times like these, it was a security blanket of sorts. He needed that little comfort now.


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi knew his first meeting with Sasuke was going to be awkward. His mask was a blessing; it not only hid his true face but his emotions as well. He was a little disappointed that Sasuke’s eyes didn’t light up in the slightest to see him. Of course, Sukea was the one Sasuke was attracted to. His eyes wouldn’t light up for his captain. In fact, his eyes were already narrowed and looking more hostile than emotionless.

“Aren’t you out of excuses for being late?” Sasuke asked with irritation.

“I needed dog food, but the shops were still closed so I had to wait.”

Sasuke’s eyes almost smiled at his lame excuse. “I guess not.”

Naruto and Sakura were more used to Kakashi’s lateness and excuses so didn’t react.

Naruto turned and took a good look at Sasuke. Sasuke had shut his eyes and tilted his head down. Rather than standing straight ready to go on their mission, he looked like he was ready to fall asleep leaning on a railing.

“You look tired,” Naruto said.

That grabbed Kakashi’s attention. “Did you not sleep?” Kakashi asked.

“A little,” Sasuke said as he straightened.

Kakashi was a bit concerned. He worried his rejection of Sasuke’s advances bothered him or perhaps he feared he put their friendship in jeopardy. It heartened him and scared him at the same time. But that was the night before last, not last night.

“Are you good for a mission?” Kakashi asked.

“I’m good. It’s not like we’re going on S class missions here.”

“Take a solider pill if you have to.”

“I’m not that tired.”

\-----

Sasuke kept up and completed his part of the mission perfectly, but Kakashi was watching him closely and saw signs of fatigue. Once they finished their attack on the nuke-nin base, Sasuke didn’t sheath his sword with his usual flourish. He hadn’t killed a single person, but his sword was a little unwieldly. Kakashi was certain at least one man would die from his wounds. He didn’t think it would burden Sasuke’s conscience. Kakashi still found it remarkable that Sasuke didn’t like killing.

Maybe he wouldn’t skewer him when he found out Kakashi was Sukea.

With nearly a dozen prisoners due for a visit with Ibiki, Kakashi summoned his pack to help guard them on their way home. They couldn’t move as quickly as they did on the way out, so had to stop for the night. He gave Sasuke last watch. At least he slept; tried out by the mission Kakashi supposed.

When they arrived home, Sasuke insisted on helping escort their prisoners while Naruto and Sakura headed home. Kakashi let him preserve his pride. He looked ready to drop as they left the interrogation building.

“Go home and sleep,” Kakashi advised.

“Hn.”

“Is there something wrong?”

The ‘hn’ he gave him this time was amused. With that, Sasuke went home.

Kakashi considered changing into his Sukea disguise and visiting Sasuke tonight, but he was afraid to look like a stalker appearing so often on the very day Sasuke returned from missions. Sasuke might start to wonder how Sukea always knew when he came home.

So, it was Kakashi who didn’t sleep well that night.

He asked to see the Hokage in the morning.

“I’d like to request a few days off for my team. Certain members are more tired than they would like to admit.”

Tsunade hesitated to think. “Naruto wouldn’t happen to be the one who’s tired, is he?”

“No, not at all. He’s a frantic ball of energy. A Rasengan given human form.”

That made Tsunade laugh. “Sakura?”

“She’s holding up well.”

“So, is it you or Sasuke? You look tired.”

“I was wrapped up in reading last night. It’s Sasuke. He’s determined to excel. I think he’s been overdoing it on the training fields. He doesn’t want to be shown up by Naruto.”

“I would like to send Naruto to Suna to firm up our alliance. I think a team with . . . Yamato, Sai, and Shikamaru will be a good group. Shikamaru and Tamari seem to be developing a relationship and Yamato knows how to handle Naruto. Sai will fill out the team. I’ll give Sakura some training and you and Sasuke can have the time off.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll summon the gaki and Sakura to let them know. You inform Sasuke.”

“Hai.”

Kakashi arrived at Sasuke’s door as himself.

Sasuke opened the door, his eyes bright with welcome. But then disappointment crashed down when he saw Kakashi instead of Sukea. The dejection in his eyes hit Kakashi hard in the chest.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Sasuke was dressed in a robe. “No. I was trying, but not asleep.”

“We’re going to take a break from missions for several days. Naruto is going with another team to Suna so we will have a little vacation.”

“I guess you and I aren’t cut out for diplomacy.” He seemed relieved.

“Really, Sasuke, is something wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

Sasuke seemed to consider it, taking several second to answer. “I’m fine.”

“I knew a shinobi captain who used to say fine stood for ‘freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional’.”

Sasuke smirked. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, Kakashi.”

“Alright. But if you ever do need to talk, I’ll listen.”

“Thank you.”

Kakashi nodded to him then went home.

Should he visit him tonight? Kakashi thought better of it. He’ll wait another day.

\-----

A little before sunset, Sukea came to Sasuke’s door. Sasuke’s eyes were filled with the same excited welcome that had been aborted the day before.

“Have you eaten yet?” Sukea asked.

“No. I’ll meet you downstairs in a minute.”

Sasuke came down dressed in a very nice black outfit that wasn’t quite as formal as his last one but no less flattering. Kakashi looked fondly at him. Despite the brightness in Sasuke’s eyes, they were still dark from lack of sleep.

“Are you alright?”

“Tiring mission,” Sasuke lied. “I could go for soup.”

“Ichiraku?”

“That’s a little salty and heavy.”

“I know a good place.”

\-----

The kiss might not have happened. They talked as they had before. They ended up sharing a hot pot rather than ordering individual soups.

“We talked about having fun before,” Sasuke said, “what is it you do for fun?”

“Well, I guess you could say I’m something of a hypocrite; I don’t do too much. I work, train, read,” he hesitated, “take pictures.”

“Doesn’t make you a hypocrite. It’s easier to give advice than to take it. Even harder, sometimes, to take your own advice.” He brightened. “You should bring your camera next time we meet.”

Kakashi hesitated. He didn’t own one. He had only taken a handful of photos in his life. Fuck. “Sure.” He was going to have to produce some samples of his work too. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. But he smiled his sedate smile, as easy going and relaxed as ever.

“I think there are only four pictures of me.”

Kakashi chuckled softly. “That you know of. The girls must have taken a few when you weren’t aware of it.”

Sasuke smiled gently. “Perhaps. I only have one since I left all those years ago.”

“Your new profile picture?”

Sasuke nodded. “Official.”

“Would you like a less official picture?”

Sasuke’s smirk was all but dripping with malicious amusement. Kakashi worried just how _unofficial_ Sasuke was intending. And yet, he didn’t find himself adverse to the idea. He wondered where that rental shop relocated to after the village’s destruction. Do they look at the film they develop? Was it possible to develop it himself? As a _professional _photographer, he should possess those skills. He internally sighed. He needed to pick his cover identities more carefully, make sure he had the right skills next time.

On the other hand, he wasn’t going to be going undercover anymore once he became Hokage, which would be soon. That depressed him a bit. He would be stuck in an office for the next few years. He would lose his team. He might lose his connection with Sasuke, unless he could preserve this relationship.

Sasuke tilted his head, silently asking what was wrong. He’d noticed the change in Sukea.

“Thinking about my age. Worried that I’ll have to retire soon.”

“How old are you?”

“Much older than you. By a decade at least. I had already retired from ANBU when you were a genin.”

Sasuke almost went doe-eyed at that. “I remember.”

That stuck Kakashi dumb. Sasuke’s . . . attracted to . . . older men? Who the fuck did Sasuke sleep with?

“You’re not so old,” Sasuke said. “But a shinobi’s date is short. We spoil as quickly as milk.”

“Either drunk up or thrown away,” Kakashi agreed.

“I guess it can go to other uses, but nevertheless, it’s a job for younger men. But this peaceful time will age us. No missions, no reason to stay fit, fit for a shorter time. I fear we will go extinct.”

They had spoken of this before. “The idea really bothers you. Isn’t peace worth it?”

“Perhaps. I don’t know any other trade. The prospect scares me,” he admitted. “Peace won’t last though. We will always be needed, but I fear fewer will choose this life and we will fall because of it.”

“Some of us are only a few generations away from farmers,” Kakashi said. “If the next generation chooses civilian trades, they and their children can learn to be shinobi again if needed. As long as some of us remain to train them.”

“Hn,” Sasuke agreed. “I think Kakashi understands these things, but Naruto . . . He believes in peace. I believe in power. He’s the sun of peace and I’m the moon of violence. I will be ready if the village needs me until the day I die.”

Kakashi had to smile fondly at his student. Naruto and Sasuke were certainly opposites, but they complemented each other. Even when Sasuke conspired to kill and destroy, it was for future peace, for the future of the village. Sasuke would be the guardian in the shadows if his counterpart in the sun failed.

“I pledge to be ready as well.”

“Did you fight in the recent war?” The question obviously just hit him.

“I did. I like missions, but I hate wars. I don’t think we’ll ever see the like again. And I’m glad of that.”

Sasuke was lost in thought for a minute, remembering those events. He was late to the party, but he was there when most needed. His eyes rose to Sukea’s face even before his mind returned. His eyes were empty, but not without life. He didn’t look haunted, just lost in memory. Kakashi feared he saw something in his memory imposed over his face that would expose him.

“I died that day,” Sasuke mused. “Bastard ran me though with my own blade. My own kinsman.”

Kakashi was too relieved to truly appreciate what Sasuke was talking about. It had been briefly mentioned that Sasuke had been as close to death as Naruto, but Kakashi hadn’t realized that essentially, both his male students had died.

“At first, I was angry and in denial. I wasn’t going to die. I didn’t want my brother’s legacy to die. I wanted to create a real village where people wouldn’t be slaughtered and manipulated and used the way my clan was. I was angry. But as I felt the life drain from me, all that was left was disappointment. So much I had wanted to do, so much I could do. I knew I was dying, and I was just disappointed.”

Kakashi wanted to commiserate with his student, but he couldn’t confess that he had really died once too—Sasuke might start to figure it out.

“I _nearly_ died once. I woke up with a medical-nin working on me, so I may have died ever so briefly. I knew I was dying. But I actually felt fulfilled. There are so many people I failed to save, but I died saving one young chunin and I was proud. We needed to get this information to our superiors. I knew I couldn’t do it, so I told the chunin to run for it. I protected him. He got away. I was looking forward to seeing my friends again. It was weird waking up after that. I had made my peace.”

“Kabuto had brought me back. I met the Sage and gave me knowledge and power. I woke up with purpose. I didn’t really think about how I had actually died until a few days later. After the war, there was so much I had to think about.” Sasuke looked beyond weary. He seemed suddenly far older. At such a young age, his eyes reflected more grief and experience than a typical old man. Kakashi was nearly twice his age, but he felt like they were equals.

“I’m sure we’re not the only shinobi to survive looking Death in the eyes,” Kakashi said.

Sasuke smiled softly. “Naruto died too. I heard Kakashi did as well. At least the four of us are alive.”

Sasuke sagged back into the booth, his own thoughts exhausting him. His lack of sleep might also be catching up to him.

“Are you alright?” Kakashi asked with genuine concern.

Sasuke took a few breaths before he answered. “Yeah. There’s so much I wanted to do, but I’ve decided against them. I’m leaving so much in the hands of others. I think I can entrust the village with Kakashi once he becomes Hokage. And Naruto after him. I’ll just ensure that they do what needs to be done.”

“I believe you can trust those two.”

Sasuke sighed. “I fear what my place will be in a time of peace, but I would like some time to rest.”

“I feel the same.”

A sleepy hum escaped Sasuke.

“I’ll take care of the bill tonight,” Kakashi said and signaled for it. Soon, they were out on the street.

“Take a walk with me?” Sasuke asked.

“Alright.” Kakashi fell into step beside Sasuke, relieved they weren’t headed in the direction of Sasuke’s apartment. Or his own for that matter.

“I was worried you might not want to be around me after I came on to you,” Sasuke admitted.

It was getting rather late; the streets were practically empty, so it was safe to have this conversation.

“I was caught off guard, but I value our friendship too much to give up on it.”

“Thank you. I hope you consider it, but I want to preserve our friendship.”

“I can’t help but consider it. You are very desirable.”

“But?”

“But. I’m way older than you and frankly you don’t actually know me that well.”

“True.” There was more implied after that, that those two things didn’t matter.

“If what you wanted was simply a one-night stand, it’d be an easier decision. But something more? That’s what scares me. I care about you too much to gamble it away.”

“I understand.”

They walked some ways in silence before Sasuke said, “I want to show you something.”

Sasuke jumped up onto a low roof and Kakashi followed. They jumped up higher and higher to the top of a tall residential building. Sasuke looked out to the west. Kakashi looked as well and was met with a beautiful view of the forest and horizon to rival the view from the top of the Hokage mountain. From here you couldn’t see most of the village and it was far more private than standing on top of the most prominent monument in the village.

“I like to come up here when I can’t sleep.”

“It’s a beautiful view.” _And lonely,_ Kakashi thought.

Sasuke sat down, his back against a small enclosure with the door going down into the building. Kakashi sat next to him. Kakashi was glad for his coat as it was quite cold up here. Sasuke seemed impervious to the chill.

They sat in companionable silence for some minutes. Then Sasuke leaned toward him and his head ended up on Kakashi’s shoulder. He fell asleep.

For a second, Kakashi thought this was trap, that Sasuke planned to lean on his shoulder to show him what this kind of physical intimacy would be like. But Kakashi could tell Sasuke was genuinely asleep. If he came here when he couldn’t sleep, perhaps he often fell asleep up here. Despite that fact it was open, it felt isolated. This was one of the tallest buildings but only by a story to two. What made this spot special was that it was the last of the tall buildings on this side of the village; nothing obstructed the view to the west. And nothing overlooked it.

Kakashi wondered how many warm beds Sasuke slept in since he left Konoha almost four years ago. How safe did he ever really feel in Orochimaru’s bases? How often did he run away to somewhere less confining, somewhere no one could find him, where he could hear or see an enemy from far away? A vantage point like his with his back to a wall.

Sasuke turned more towards him, bringing his body closer to the source of warmth, adjusting his head on the soft pillow of Kakashi’s coat covered shoulder.

Kakashi felt confined at first, afraid to move lest he wake Sasuke. But then he found his presence calming and the scenery and feeling of isolation comforting. He settled in and his thoughts wandered.

He considered how intimate they already were. Kakashi knew so much about Sasuke, but Sukea almost knew more. On the other hand, Sasuke knew almost nothing about Sukea. And yet. What was it that truly made Sasuke comfortable enough to tell him so much, to open up the way he had, and to fall asleep and lay his head on his shoulder? What did Sasuke want in the end? A lover? Friend with benefits? The former was terrifying, and the latter was heartbreaking. Sasuke wouldn’t go so far, trust him so much just for sex. 

Sasuke woke with a sharp intake of breath. “I’m sorry I fell asleep,” he said as he moved back to sit against the wall again.

“It’s okay.”

“I guess I should go home and sleep. I don’t have missions for a few days.”

“Maybe I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

“I’d like that.”

It was a little awkward when they stood up to leave but jumped down to lower rooftops on either side of this one at the same time.

Kakashi walked slowly toward his home. He stopped to make sure he was not followed, then slipped into his sanctuary.

Safely behind his walls, he slowly pulled the pins from his wig. He reflected on their earlier conversation. Sasuke had died. Just as he had died. The Great Sage stopped Sasuke on his way to the afterlife, but Kakashi had met his father. If Sasuke had met his family, he might never have returned.

Kakashi had not lied, he was proud of protecting Choji. It was a good death. His father was proud, and he could confess his pride for his father; he was content to die. But then he was ripped away and brought back. Next time, his father would still be proud, but the next time, he could finally meet his mother.

But he and Sasuke were alive. There was potential for a _life_ with Sasuke.

The hand on his shoulder, on his thigh, on his cock. Even if none were on his bare skin, Kakashi relished the feeling of the weight and heat of that strong hand. His imagination was amazingly helpful providing a simulation of what that hand would feel like on his bare skin. Touching him. Intimately. That didn’t even really mean on his cock, but his bare arm, his bare chest, his naked thigh. Then he remembered the hug. He wanted to feel that again. It was probably an embellishment by his brain, but he thought he’d felt safe. Sasuke was more muscular than Kakashi and his arms were sure and warm, his chest hard and broad. And he smelled good.

His mind was then embroiled by the kiss. He’d never felt ecstasy like that in his life. It was like his very soul had been caressed by his lips and tongue.

The repressed lust made Kakashi’s stomach cramp. He wanted to be with him, he wanted to ravage him, be ravaged by him. He wanted Sasuke to rape his very soul.

He stuck his side. The pain brought him out of his reverie and subdued his erection. But his longing wasn’t so easily extinguished.

\-----

Kakashi didn’t wear a full disguise today, just an anonymous henge. He found the photography shop and rented a camera and bought several rolls of film. Then he went around taking pictures, anything that was the least bit pretty. He hoped at least a half dozen would look like they were taken with some kind of skill.

He returned to the shop to have the film developed. It would take a few hours, so he spent the time reading up on photography. He eagerly checked the photos; they weren’t half bad. He doubted Sasuke had a better critical eye than him so he could pull this off. He even bought a book to mount the pictures in. Of course, he kept the camera for at least another night.

Sasuke was fully dressed when Kakashi came to his door that evening. He was waiting for him. Damn, that made Kakashi feel horrible.

“I can make dinner for us tonight if you like,” Sasuke said.

“Yeah. Going out to dinner so much is a little pricy.”

Sasuke smiled and let him in. Sasuke went to the kitchen while Kakashi removed his shoes.

Kakashi sat on his cushion near the wall, putting his photo album on the table and the case with the camera on the floor beside him then looked around the room. Kakashi was astonished; Sasuke had redecorated. There was an extra lamp, a new light-colored rug, white curtains, and he changed his bedcovers to light blue rather than black. He also had a potted peace lily in his kitchen and a money plant on his dresser. It looked like a whole new room. It was still close, but it wasn’t warren-like anymore.

It quickly grew apparent that Sasuke had everything ready to make dinner, further making Kakashi feel guilty. It wasn’t long before Sasuke brought the food to the table. Zōni soup and omusubi with okaka and tomatoes.

“Cold barley tea or hot jasmine tea?”

“Jasmine, please.”

Sasuke’s choice of zōni was telling to Kakashi: an auspicious soup normally served on New Year’s. Nevertheless, it was delicious.

Kakashi struggled for a moment to start conversation. They were normally in a restaurant where it felt easier to engage in small talk. This was far more intimate.

“How many days are you off from missions?” Kakashi asked.

“Not sure. Naruto was sent to Suna, so until he gets back, I guess.”

“Taking advantage of the time off?”

“Well, I redecorated.”

Kakashi laughed softly. “I noticed. Looks brighter, larger.” He had to stop himself from saying how much he loved the apartment Sasuke had when he was his student. The studio had more windows and those glass doors and balcony were beautiful.

“I’ve not done much else.”

“Not hanging out with your other teammates?”

“Sakura’s annoying. I might like her more if she stopped hanging on me and trying to be cute. I might respect her then. Kakashi’s probably reading smut and walking his dogs.”

Kakashi let a small laugh out but was a little put down by Sasuke’s words.

“That is unfair,” Sasuke immediately admitted. “I don’t know anything about what Kakashi does on his off time. I think he just uses those books to turn people away. He just fanes disinterest and distraction so people will leave him alone. I think. Or he’s just really into rereading the same smut all the time.”

“He used to read back in ANBU, but not that series. I don’t remember when the first book was written.” Actually, Kakashi did remember. He was twenty-two and in ANBU at the time.

“Can you tell me anything about Kakashi when he was in ANBU?”

“Hmmm. He started long before I joined. I heard that he never spoke to anyone unless he had to, never took his ANBU mask off even when he wasn’t on a mission. Very dark, depressed, and antisocial. Sometime after the Forth died, he finally started to get over his depression. Not entirely, but he started talking to his comrades and taking his ANBU mask off. He was surrounded by melancholy most of the time, but he was friendly enough when I knew him. He was a captain and well respected, but he didn’t like accolades. He always hated being called ‘sempai’.”

“That sounds like him. He isn’t narcissistic. Rather humble. I like that about him. He never flaunted his skills except when he was trying to prove a point to us. I don’t know if he hid his Sharingan because of me or because he didn’t want to show it off.”

“I wouldn’t call it humility. I think he truly doesn’t believe he deserves all the praise. That depression of his.”

“Hn. I can understand that.” Sasuke seemed to consider that seriously. Then he made an obvious effort to push that aside and try to be brighter in front of his guest. “Whether he approves or not, I respect him.”

Kakashi smiled. “Me too.”

Then Sasuke focused on his soup. “Did you know my brother?”

Kakashi froze. “I met him a few times, but I didn’t know him well. He was quiet and diligent. And very talented. I wish I could tell you more, but he kept to himself. Come to think of it, he was always hurrying home. Probably to you.”

“Reporting to my father more likely.”

“Are you so sure about that?”

“Hn.”

“I brought my camera and some pictures I’ve taken,” Kakashi said to change the topic. “Most of my photos were destroyed in the attack against the village, but I have a few I’ve taken since then.”

It worked. Sasuke’s expression brightened. “I’m sorry to bring up my brother and getting depressed. Habit, I guess. I’m looking forward to seeing your work.”

Kakashi smiled softly at him, glad to cheer him up. He wished he could have done that as Kakashi. So many times, he wished he could have. Why did Sasuke respond to Sukea and not him? What was wrong with him? Sasuke respects him, but perhaps he doesn’t trust him. It took all Kakashi’s effort to keep the grief from his face. It made his smile even softer.

Sasuke was more eager to finish his meal so that he could see Sukea’s work. Kakashi tried to keep pace.

Once they were finished, Sasuke took their dishes away and Kakashi picked up the album. As Sasuke settled back down, he sat closer to Sukea. Instead of taking the album, Sasuke just shouldered in next to him and didn’t take the album. Kakashi opened it himself and Sasuke leaned in to look.

Uncomfortable at the proximity, Kakashi looked down at Sasuke’s blue black hair. If he lowered his head, he’d impale his eyes on those silky spikes.

Kakashi froze and let Sasuke turn the pages himself. He couldn’t even see what it was Sasuke was looking at.

“These all look recent.”

“Like I said, my older photos were lost. Most of the rest were not for me to keep.”

“I really like this one of the Hokage monument; you captured it at a perfect time for the shadows to highlight it.”

“Thanks. Um, do you want to keep it? I have the original film; I can always have another printed.”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Sasuke busied himself with taking the photo from the album. Kakashi still couldn’t move.

Sasuke finally leaned back to admire his new acquisition. Sasuke’s eyes were bright. He was lovely.

“Hn. This might be the last picture before it’s marred with Kakashi’s masked face.” It was obviously a joke, so it didn’t offend Kakashi.

Sasuke turned to face Kakashi, catching him in the act of staring at him. “Now you have to take my picture.”

“I’m not very good at portraits.”

Sasuke’s eyes grew evilly seductive. “What about landscapes?”

“Landscapes?”

“I’m joking. I won’t be mad if it looks like crap; the lighting in here probably isn’t good.”

Kakashi wanted to flee. Right. Now.

“Don’t be so nervous. I’m not asking for a gravure photo.”

Kakashi chuckled nervously. He carefully took the camera out.

“Where should I stand?” Sasuke asked.

“Perhaps in front of your clan banner? We need something in the background so it doesn’t look so sterile.”

“That seems too official.”

Kakashi pouted. “How about that peace lily? Put it on the dresser with the money plant and that will liven up the background.”

Sasuke got up to move the houseplants. Kakashi prepared the camera, so glad he read that book today.

Sasuke straightened his shirt and stood in front of his dresser. Kakashi tried not shake with nerves. If this photo was shit it would unmask him. So to speak.

Sasuke stood there, completely straight. Even to Kakashi’s unartistic eye, that was boring.

“This isn’t a profile picture,” Kakashi said. “Turn a little to the side.”

Sasuke obeyed, turning his head to look at the camera.

Kakashi took a picture. “Hmm. It would help if you smiled a bit.”

Sasuke smirked and Kakashi took the photo. “I think that will come out nice.”

Sasuke came over as Kakashi prepared to put the camera back in its case. There was suddenly two Sasukes. The shadow clone took the camera from Kakashi’s hands. The real Sasuke pulled Kakashi to the same spot where Sasuke stood for his picture. He wasn’t given much warning. He didn’t have an opportunity to smile before the photo was taken. He must have looked as surprised as if he’d been dunked in water. The clone then dumped the camera in Kakashi’s hands and poofed away.

“I’m looking forward to that one most,” Sasuke said.

Kakashi giggled nervously and knelt to put the camera away. When he stood, Sasuke was right next to him. The tilt of his head gave a clear signal of what he was asking for.

For a long, deep heartbeat, Kakashi froze. Then he leaned forward ever so slightly. That was all the permission the younger man needed. He pressed his lips to Sukea’s. It felt so good, Kakashi opened his mouth without thinking. Sasuke deepened the kiss. His legs felt weak, there was a tingling in his gut. He was becoming overwhelmed by Sasuke. He never knew a kiss could be so . . . enthralling, so insidious.

He was too afraid to touch Sasuke, but Sasuke had no such fear. One hand went to Kakashi’s waist to pull him forward, the other to his shoulder. He pressed a little closer so their bodies touched. Kakashi wanted to be swept away but . . .

Sasuke took a step, pressing Kakashi back. His knees buckled against the edge of Sasuke’s bed. Kakashi wouldn’t let himself be laid out, he put out a hand to remain sitting rather than lying. Sasuke put a knee between his thighs and leaned in for another kiss, his hands on Kakashi’s thigh and his shoulder.

Kakashi wasn’t conscious of the moan that escaped him. One hand still braced him, the other he tentatively raised to Sasuke’s elbow. Sasuke drew his hand over Kakashi’s thigh until he brushed his growing bulge. Then it cupped him. Kakashi wanted to suck Sasuke’s tongue deep into his mouth.

Yet, when Sasuke’s fingers traveled up to his neck and touched his hairline, Kakashi panicked about his wig and lightly pushed Sasuke back. He couldn’t stifle his nervous laugh.

“Ha, that was an excellent dinner. I’ll develop the film tomorrow.” A stuttering, little laugh escaped him, and he awkwardly stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Sasuke was taken aback by Sukea’s sudden panic and nervousness. Then amused by it.

“Hai.” Sasuke gave him a relatively chaste hug. Kakashi inhaled, smelling his hair. There was a warm scent of his skin reaching him from under Sasuke’s collar. His arms were strong and sure but didn’t feel like they would restrain him. In fact, Sasuke released him the moment Kakashi shuffled back and grabbed the camera case.

He was so flustered that Kakashi forgot to pick up the photo album. He would have run home if he wasn’t concerned about being followed. Kakashi was panting, nevertheless, when he reached the sanctuary of his apartment. He put his fingers to his lips.

He was in deep.


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi wasn’t enthusiastic about waking up this morning, but he sat up and rubbed life into his hair and scalp. He should probably take a handful of photos on the way to the shop to use up the film and pretend that he’d taken even more than the dozen he showed Sasuke. Maybe with more mundane photos, the developer wouldn’t notice the personal photos.

He was about to get out of bed when he was startled by a bird pecking at his window. A summons.

\-----

Sasuke was disgruntled when he opened his door.

“I know I promised you a few days off, but the two of us are needed on this mission,” Kakashi said.

“Now?”

“I’m afraid so. Front gate, thirty minutes.”

“Hn. You’re the one who won’t be on time.” Sasuke turned back into his apartment and shut the door, dismissing his captain. Sasuke might as well have slammed it in his face.

Kakashi was waiting at the gate when Sasuke arrived, not late for once.

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow at him. “So, you can be on time.”

“Let’s go,” Kakashi said with a little hostility.

“Wait, how long will this mission last?”

It was Kakashi’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “You’ve never cared before.”

“I was going to meet up with someone today.”

Kakashi sighed. “It will take at least a day to get there, so two to three. I can give you twenty minutes to go let them know.”

“I don’t know where he lives. You know Sukea, right?”

“Sukea?”

“The photographer. He was in ANBU with you. He was with Naruto, Sakura, and I when we broke into the records room.”

“Oh, him. Is Sukea his real name? I thought it was his code name. What about him?”

“Do you know how to contact him? He’s the one I was going to meet.”

“Another mission into the classified files?” Kakashi asked with amusement. “No, I don’t know where he is. He’s a shinobi, he’ll know you were sent on mission.”

“I told him we were off for a few days.”

“Things come up. He’ll understand. We should go.”

Unhappy, Sasuke complied. Kakashi was jealous of Sukea.

\-----

The two powerful lightning users were needed against a gang of former Iwa-nin, powerful Earth style users planning a coup d'etat. Sasuke and Kakashi were the best duo to defeat them.

After a day of travel, it took them half a day to find the group. When they found them, Sasuke was vicious. Normally, he tried to avoid killing, but not today. His sword had never been bloodier, nor had his Chidori killed so many. Even Kakashi was afraid of him.

They started with over forty enemies, but the pair’s first wave of attacks whittled it down to just under thirty. Kakashi and Sasuke were leagues ahead in power to begin with, but their lightning style obliterated anything the earth style users threw at them. Kakashi was also skilled in earth style, being his second nature affinity, so he understood the ins and outs of their jutsu and—even without his Sharingan—out jutsued their jutsu. He even used the headhunter jutsu he’d used against Sasuke during the bell test in its intended way: loping off the man’s head that was left sticking out of the ground.

Sasuke was at home using primarily lightning jutsu, showing off all the variations of his Chidori. Against shinobi like these, he didn’t bother pulling out anything more than his Chidori techniques and his simple Sharingan. They weren’t worth anything more than that.

Kakashi grabbed the younger man’s wrist before he could deliver the coup de gras to the last man. “That’s enough, Sasuke. You’re just wasting chakra now.”

“Tch.” His Chidori flickered out. Kakashi released him and Sasuke turned away.

Kakashi looked down at the man Sasuke was about to impale. He was already dead. That fury scared Kakashi; it was the same as a few months ago, except Sasuke could be stopped these days. They weren’t planning on leaving anyone alive, but still. Sasuke was ruthless when he was angry.

On their way home, Sasuke was irritated, closest to impatient as he could be.

“If you want to run all the way home overnight, be my guest,” Kakashi said as he got the fire going.

Sasuke settled back against a tree, his sword against his shoulder.

“So, why were you meeting with that guy?” Kakashi asked as he pulled out some rations from his pouch. It was a short mission, so they didn’t need to hunt for food with just the two of them.

Sasuke was hesitant to answer. “I happened to run into him, and we got to talking. I enjoy talking with him.”

“About what? I can’t imagine you would have much in common.” Kakashi tossed Sasuke a small pack of rations.

“The state of things. Our fears for the village when you become Hokage.”

“Hmmm. That concerns me too.” That drew a small smirk from Sasuke. “Just be careful with him. I didn’t know him well, but he was ANBU. Don’t trust him too easily.”

“You have a low opinion of your comrades. ANBU is intelligence and assassination. Not a whole lot different from the rest of us. Unless you go about killing rooms full of children, I don’t see a difference.”

That made Kakashi pause. “I’ve killed two children. I’m sure he’s killed his share. Of course, I didn’t want to kill either of them. It just occurred to me, they both jumped in front of my Raikiri.” Thoughts of Rin and Haku silenced him for a moment. “ANBU and Root aren’t really all that different, sometimes it was just a difference of who gave the order. ANBU could be just as brutal.”

“Tell me everything you know about him.”

“Eh? Why?”

“Tell me everything.”

“He was in ANBU.”

Sasuke just stared at him.

“I can’t tell you anything about ANBU.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Kakashi could see him calculating. Would he admit he was trying to sleep with him to spark Kakashi’s paternal instinct as his sensei?

“Tell me what you know of him after he and/or you left ANBU.”

Kakashi smiled. “No.”

The glare turned into scowl.

Kakashi was trying to act like his normal self. He crossed his arms. “Why do you want to know?”

“Fuck you.”

Kakashi laughed for obvious reasons. He sobered and rubbed his masked chin. “We were in ANBU at the same time. He’s an orphan and was recruited into ANBU by the fourth Hokage, like me.” He considered. “I’m not sure what else I can tell you. Is there something in particular you want to know?”

Sasuke’s eyes had eased. Now he thought. There was probably nothing he could think to ask that wasn’t about ANBU. After their conversation, the question he wanted to ask was what horrible things Sukea had done while in ANBU.

“You don’t even know? Then why’d you ask?”

The glare was back.

Kakashi stood up and mused Sasuke’s hair. “When you think of something to ask, find me and maybe I’ll answer. There’s not much I can tell you. I will try.”

Instead of pissing the young Uchiha off, he’d calmed down. Kakashi continued over to prepare his bedroll.

“Get some sleep, Sasuke.”

Kakashi was about to fall asleep when he felt that he was being stared at. He looked over at Sasuke. He was staring at him. “Need something, Uchiha?”

“No.” He looked away and relaxed.

Kakashi knew Sasuke would not sleep tonight but meditate. Sasuke would stay on guard, half awake; it was enough on short missions like this. Now that he wasn’t being stared at, Kakashi could sleep.

\-----

Luckily, Sasuke had about the same stamina as Kakashi, so he didn’t outpace him on the way home.

As the gates of the village came into view, Kakashi said, “You can go home, I’ll make our report.”

Sasuke ran off, but not toward his apartment. Kakashi was suspicious, but he hid his disguise under his floorboards, so even if Sasuke suspected Kakashi was Sukea, he wouldn’t find evidence in his room. Maybe.

Sukea stayed away tonight.

Kakashi wasn’t exactly a pauper but eating out with Sasuke so much was adding up. He went home to a bowl of ramen and rice. Not a lot of food options that would keep in the cupboard during long missions. Despite the meager meal, he really wished he could be sharing it with Sasuke.

\-----

Going to bed early was a mistake. Several hours before dawn and he was wide awake. He was well acquainted with the ceiling of this relatively new apartment. When he returned from the war, there were finally real buildings to move into, not just the quickly erected barracks with little room beside a bed.

Old and new ceilings were pretty much identical, an almost smooth white painted surface. Whoever painted this ceiling had added a spiral flourish right here in the corner. The last one had just flapped his brush against the surface, leaving a haphazard texture. Well, that had a been a low rent shinobi dorm, not an apartment, not a home. It was a small room for sleeping and storing crap, nothing else. You weren’t meant to _live_ there.

The old dorm was meant to be a transitional place for genin and chunin leaving their parents’ home for the first time. Kakashi moved in when he was in ANBU and just never left. He wasn’t the only shinobi leaving there in their late twenties.

This time he’d chosen a studio not much bigger than the dorm room. He had his own bathroom and a tiny kitchen. Being who he was, the guy helping returning shinobi find places to live tried to get him into a house or a at least a large one bedroom. He’d chosen the smallest place he could find.

So had Sasuke. He sighed and sat up. Looking out his window, he could see only buildings and sky. No trees here. It made his dear little houseplant more special.

A group of civilians were carefully shifting through the rubble blasted around the carter and salvaging what they could. Anything that was somewhat intact and didn’t look like garbage was put on display for people to come and reclaim. Right before Kakashi headed off to the war, he’d checked it out, but nothing looked familiar. Afterward, there were a lot more items. To his surprise, he’d found Ukki-san. His orange pot was glued together, but he was alive. He even found his bells. He was about to leave, happy he’d found at least this much, when a woman called out to him.

“Kakashi-san! Wait! I have some of your items!” She waved him back. Seeing she had his attention she ran behind the wooden stall that displayed everything to grab a box. The box itself was salvage, in worse condition than even more Ukki-san’s pot. She presented the box to him. He set Ukki-san on the ground, the bells in his pocket.

“I’m pretty sure these are all yours. I recognized you in the pictures and one of the books had a handwritten dedication to you.”

He looked inside to see all three Icha Icha books and the Tale of the Gutsy Ninja. Jiraiya had written in the cover of the third Icha Icha book. There were two frames as well which had to be his team photos. She’d even found one of his undershirts with the attached mask.

“Thank you. You found just about everything that meant something to me. Thank you.”

She bowed. “Oh, was there something else important to you? I could keep a look out for it.”

“A broken tanto hilt and its sheath.” The medical pack Rin had given him was with him when Pain attacked, he kept that in one of his usual pouches and it rarely left his person. All that was missing was his father’s tanto. He’d broken the blade but kept the remnants.

“Oh, one second.” She ran behind the stall again. He stood stalk still there with the box in his hands. She was a full minute. “Is this it?”

He was shocked. “Yes.”

“This was in the vicinity of your things. Because of the damage, we weren’t sure we should even put it out.”

“Thank you so much. Everything else I owned is easily replaced. Thank you for finding it all.”

She bowed again. He put Ukki-san’s pot in the box and took it home.

He hadn’t added anything further to his collection of personal items. Clothes and spare gear were all he bothered to buy. And a new comforter. He was pretty sure he’d seen his old one among the rescued items, but he didn’t really want to reuse a blanket that went through so much and might not even be his. The books, frames, and pot showed the hell they’d been through, but he did little to restore them. He even left the cracked glass on the frames. Like scars, they were badges of honor for surviving.

He felt for Sasuke; the Uchiha probably had nothing but his sword and the clothes on his back when he came home after the war ended. Come to think of it, where had Sasuke found that Uchiha banner in his apartment? It didn’t look new.

Kakashi got dressed. He wanted to use up that film in the camera anyway. He slipped the camera into one of his normal pouches and ventured out into the cold night.

It was too dark to take photos, so he just walked. He found himself near the edge of the village. The building where Sasuke escaped to when he couldn’t sleep was right over there. He was too afraid to check.

But as dawn approached, he took one or two photographs of the deserted streets. Then he ventured up near that building, using all his skill to sneak to a vantage point to see if Sasuke was on his perch. It was a low angle, but from here he should be able to see Sasuke’s black hair if he were sitting up there. If he were lying down, he wouldn’t be visible. He was certain the coast was clear and jumped up to that roof. No one there. He looked out to the west. The day would soon be dawning behind him. Once the world was illuminated enough, he took a photograph of the landscape bathed in cool light. Then the sun broke over the horizon, flooding the air around him with warm, golden light. He took another. Then the sun rose enough to gild the trees below him. It was a lovely view. He took another photo.

He jumped back down to ground level and found a few beautiful empty streets fretted with morning light. He hoped these came out well. If they were even half as lovely as the real thing, they would be gorgeous.

Then he went out into the forest outside the village. After realizing there wasn’t a single tree in view from his apartment window, he appreciated these trees even more. The village was changing, modernizing. He used up the film out here then took it over to the shop to be processed, asking for two sets. Might be safer to just get duplicates of them all rather than asking for only those photos of Sasuke.

He returned to the shop a few hours later and was presented with two packets. He eagerly opened one and ignored everything else and looked for the photos he took in Sasuke’s room. The first was a sterile as he thought it would be. Sasuke was handsome of course, but it lacked any life. The second was much more like him with that amused and mischievous smirk. Then there was the third.

Kakashi had looked at his disguised face many times to check his makeup and make sure his scar was covered and his hair safely under the wig. Even when he was alone washing his face and brushing his teeth, he barely glanced at his natural reflection and his expression was never anything but neutral. This was anything but. He’d never seen his own eyes so wide before. He looked a bit ridiculous.

But Sasuke. He wasn’t smirking. He was smiling. Widely and with his whole face. There was a teasing mischievousness to his expression, but his eyes were shut in happy rainbows. He was laughing. Kakashi had never, never, seen him so happy. It made Kakashi happy just as it broke his heart.

\-----

Sasuke wasn’t home when Kakashi came to see him. So, he waited outside his building. He really had to wonder why Sasuke lived in such a cheap building in such a small studio. Being warren-like made sense, but why such a cheap place?

He chose his own studio because it was like his old dorm and he didn’t have a lot of possessions. He’d moved into the dorm from his father’s house because he realized he only used the one room and he was wasting the rest. It was too large for a young man living alone. It was filled with bad memories anyway. Not just from his father, but from the grief of Obito and Rin’s deaths.

Kakashi loitered for nearly an hour before Sasuke finally turned up. He was startled when Sasuke ran up to him like a rank genin.

“Sorry, I was sent on a mission.”

“I figured,” Kakashi said lightly. “I assume it was an S rank if they canceled your leave.”

Sasuke scoffed. “Hardly. Kakashi could have done it alone. They just needed lightning users. Kakashi or I could have annihilated the bunch without any help. He doesn’t have a Sharingan anymore and he can still fuck up half the Earth Country.”

Kakashi was a little flattered.

“He could probably do it while reading his fucking porn.”

And offended.

“I don’t even know why I had to join him.”

Kakashi smiled. “Getting lazy?”

Sasuke scoffed again.

“Well, I have those pictures from last time.” Kakashi handed Sasuke the envelop. “I included some of the other pictures on that same roll of film.”

Sasuke smiled. “Want to come up? I was planning on making dinner. I didn’t expect that mission and bought quite a few perishables. I need to eat them up.”

“Happy to help,” Kakashi said with a rainbow eyed smile.

As soon as they were in Sasuke apartment, Sasuke pulled out the pictures. He smiled at them. “No talent for portraits? I think you underestimate your abilities.”

“It’s not the photographer, but the subject.”

“Hn.”

His smile broadened when he got to the one his clone took of the two of them. “As I thought, this one is my favorite.” He gave a dark chuckle. “Can I keep these?”

“Yeah, I made duplicates. They’re all duplicates so you can keep whatever you like.”

Sasuke tucked those three photos behind the others to continue perusing the stack. He took his time admiring them. “I really like these as well.” He smiled when he recognized the view from his rooftop perch. “You took these while I was gone?”

“Yeah,” he lied. “I thought about how nice the view would be in the morning light and went up there. I was actually glad not to find you there. I thought it meant you weren’t suffering from insomnia that night.”

“Well, I’ve been able to sleep for the last few days. By the way, you left your photo album.”

“I figured I left it here.”

“So, I can keep all of these?”

“Sure.”

Sasuke looked quite pleased. “I’ll have to buy some frames. Is Vegetable Teppanyaki acceptable?” Sasuke asked as he headed for the kitchen.

“Very. Can I help?”

“I assume you have suitable knife skills.”

“I think so.” Kakashi shed his coat on the way to the kitchen. “Just tell me how you want them cut.”

Doing something so domestic like this with Sasuke felt odd. He wasn’t exactly sure if the silence between them was comfortable or awkward. The fact he was wearing a T-shirt that exposed his arms didn’t help. He didn’t expect to remove his coat tonight. He felt Sasuke’s eyes on his half exposed ANBU tattoo.

Once the vegetables were cut up, it didn’t take long for Sasuke to stir-fry them. They were sitting down to their meal after only a few minutes. They forwent the rice since that would take longer. Sasuke had learned his tastes and didn’t even ask, just brought out the jasmine tea.

They both offered an “Itadakimasu” before starting the meal.

“Are you related to Nohara Rin?” Sasuke asked into the silence.

The question startled Kakashi. “Why ask about her?”

“I was thinking about the shapes on your face. It’s normally a clan thing. I went to the library yesterday to look up clan symbols and designs. I couldn’t find anything like yours. Then I asked around and someone mentioned Nohara had markings like yours. I wondered if you were her brother or cousin.”

Kakashi hadn’t realized that he’d copied Rin. He chose the lines to cover his scar sort of like Jiraiya’s but thicker and only long enough to cover his scar. The color was random. He thought. Maybe he did choose purple because of Rin. “No, I’m not related to Rin. Her markings were different.”

“But you knew her?”

“Yeah, we were in the academy at the same time, but I didn’t know her well. I did notice she had a crush on Kakashi back then. He couldn’t be bothered by such things. Not girls, not even friends.”

Sasuke looked down. “Like me.”

“Probably not a good idea to get into relationships when you’re in your early teens. Puppy love may blossom into something more real, but children don’t make the best decisions.”

“True.”

“But sometimes I wonder,” Kakashi mused. “A few couples worked out. Some might have.”

Sasuke thought. “What were Rin’s markings like?”

Kakashi didn’t like how much Sasuke was bringing her up. “They really weren’t like mine, though they were the same color. Her’s were on the sides of her cheeks, not through her eyes. Kinda like this,” he drew his fingers over his cheeks to illustrate.

“Are your markings for your clan?”

“I don’t really have one. I’m an orphan. Honestly, I sort of copied Jiraiya.”

“The Sanin.” Sasuke’s eyes darkened momentarily. “Sakura has that diamond seal like Tsunade had. Strength of a Hundred Seal I think it’s called. Should I wear makeup around my eyes like Orochimaru?”

“No, please. That guy always creeped me out.”

Sasuke laughed. “Me too. Jiraiya and Orochimaru’s markings are like the orange around Naruto’s eyes when he enters his Sage mode; I’m not sure why Jiraiya and Naruto’s manifest differently. From what I’ve read of Hashirama, he also had markings connected to his Senjutsu. The Dragon Sage charka causes those purple markings. Orochimaru was never able to become a true Sage, but with the curse seal he was able to use Senjutsu. I haven’t committed to becoming a Sage like Naruto, though I can use Senjutsu. Kabuto became a Sage.”

Sasuke mused. “I’m a little surprised Naruto didn’t copy Jiraiya with makeup. Jiraiya wasn’t so bad. More perverted than Kakashi though. Naruto’s perverted in another way than those too. One peeps on the women’s baths and writes porn, the other reads said porn in public, the last transforms into naked women.” He scoffed. “I’m surrounded by perverts.”

Kakashi felt he needed to defend himself. “Those novels aren’t as bad as you make them sound. They’re about a man’s struggles to find love. Of course, there’s plenty of romantic and even sexual scenes, but it’s far more emotional than ‘porn’.”

“So, you’ve read them.”

Kakashi actually blushed. “Yeah. Honestly, it’s the sentimentality in it that embarrasses me. And the sex in a chair.”

“At least you’re not a pervert. Quite the opposite. I’m the one who came onto you. I guess they’ve all rubbed off on me in the worse way.” Sasuke’s smile was ever so slightly sinister.

“Um, so who . . .” Kakashi knew he really shouldn’t ask.

“Who did I sleep with?”

“I’m sorry, it’s rude to ask.”

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t Orochimaru or Kakashi.” It didn’t look like Sasuke was going expound on that, silent for a moment. But then he continued. “I was a horny, inexperienced teenager. Still am,” he admitted. “Arata wasn’t entirely with Orochimaru voluntarily, but he was one of those who didn’t really have anywhere else to go. He always trembled when he was around me; it was obvious he was very attracted to me. I’d already figured out I was bisexual by that time, and I consented. We did it like four times. When I defeated Orochimaru, I looked for him, but he’d run off. Don’t worry, if he did show up, there was nothing between us.”

“I’m not jealous,” Kakashi defended.

Sasuke smirked at him. “Then why ask?”

“You’re so young, I just wondered. You seem awfully experienced.”

“Yeah, I was young, but I don’t have any regrets over it. I appreciate what I learned.”

Kakashi wasn’t lying, he wasn’t jealous. That wasn’t the emotion he was feeling.

They soon finished eating and Sasuke took all the dishes away. He returned with a freshened teapot and rinsed out cups. “Hōjicha tea,” Sasuke said. “It’s my favorite in the evenings.”

“Ahhh.” Kakashi was hesitant, knowing that it was known to have a caramel flavor and he didn’t like sweets. But neither did Sasuke. He took a sip and found it not so much sweet, but nutty, more like roasted coffee.

“It’s dark but low in caffeine.”

“It’s delicious, thank you.”

An easy silence fell over them as they savored the tea. It was still quite cold as spring approached, it even seeped into the room, so the hot tea was welcome.

Kakashi absently looked up at the Uchiha banner hanging on the wall between the bathroom and the kitchen. He was right, it didn’t look new.

Sasuke didn’t have to turn his head to know what Sukea was looking at. Kakashi was embarrassed when he realized Sasuke caught him zoning out staring at it and was now being stared at.

“Sorry.” He finished his cup and Sasuke immediately filled it, taking his eyes off Kakashi for a moment. Sasuke handed him his refilled cup. “Thank you. I was just, well, wondering if it was . . . how old it was.”

“Several decades. I stored several relics in my clan’s shrine right after it happened; that banner is the only thing I brought out. I thought I should have something of my clan with me. Covers a bare wall. I’ve thought about putting it away; it makes the room darker.”

The indifference in Sasuke’s voice was feigned. Kakashi would bet Sasuke really didn’t like having it there. His clan dominated his life the way this banner dominated the room.

“Well, if you want your clan symbol to display, but that’s too dark, you could get it painted or stitched on a white background. Perhaps just as a small framed painting. I’ve seen others display their clan symbol like that.”

“Hn,” Sasuke considered, not once looking over at it, keeping his eyes on Sukea. “The latter sounds good. Naruto has a friend who’s an artist. Perhaps I’ll ask him.”

“It’s a simple enough design. Perhaps you could have something added to it, like the tomoe of your Sharingan or a kanji or something. Something to make it more artistic. Or just on a nice, bright background. An artist should be able to liven it up.”

Sasuke smiled softly. “Good idea. Make it less austere.”

“But if it bothers you, you don’t have to display it at all. I don’t think your clan will feel any disrespect from that. You don’t have anyone to convince or impress. Unless you have guests other than me.” He smiled his rainbow eyed smile at him.

“No, there’s no one else. Even Naruto and Kakashi haven’t been here. Or at least inside. Naruto tried to get himself invited over, but I refused. He’s invaded enough of my life. I tried to keep my address secret from Sakura. So far, she hasn’t shown up.”

Kakashi finished his second cup of tea. “Thank you, I should go.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, no. I should go. I had a long day.” Kakashi stood. He did want to avoid Sasuke coming onto him again, but he was also a bit sorry to end his time with him. He grabbed his discarded coat and scarf.

Sasuke rose also. “Don’t forget your album this time.”

Kakashi turned to accept it but found himself ambushed; Sasuke stole a brief kiss when he faced him. It was far more innocent than any of the kisses they shared thus far, and that made it far more embarrassing. Kakashi felt the blush dusting his cheeks.

Sasuke eased the album into his hands. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Kakashi wasn’t fleeing this time so he walked slowly and took the long way home. Despite his nervousness at times, he really had fun being with Sasuke. A wistful smile crept across his lips.

\-----

“Naruto’s on his way back from Suna,” Tsunade informed Kakashi. He’d been summoned in the late morning to her office. “When he gets back, your team will be going off on an S rank. There’s a situation brewing near the Land of Waterfalls. I’ll have more information ready for you the morning you leave. Naruto will get a night’s rest and then you’re leaving.”

“Understood. Sasuke and I will be ready.”

“I’ll inform Sakura.”

Kakashi headed straight to Sasuke’s apartment. Sasuke looked a little beleaguered when he opened the door. And kind of sexy.

“Naruto’s on his way back. The morning after he returns, we’re going out on an S rank. It’s a three day journey from Suna, so be ready to head out.”

Sasuke took a deep breath. “I am getting bored.”

“Hey, want to get lunch? And/or train?”

Sasuke stared at him blankly. “I’m not hungry. I will train though. I haven’t sparred in days, just working out and katas.”

“Then I’ll meet you down on the training grounds.”

Kakashi was a little disappointed Sasuke didn’t want to have lunch with him. Maybe he’d just had breakfast; he looked like he’d recently woken up.

Kakashi went straight to the training grounds so he wasn’t late. That made Sasuke raise an eyebrow.

“I’m not always late.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I don’t get lost in thought in front of graves that often anymore.” His voice conveyed just a slight bit of acid.

He didn’t know exactly why he felt he needed to lash out and make Sasuke feel bad, but it did make Sasuke look away, ashamed.

“What would you like to work on?” Kakashi asked and they spent the next few hours sparring.

\-----

Sasuke eagerly opened his door a few hours later. He was freshly showered and looking perfect. Kakashi had showered too of course, but he didn’t think he was gleaming like Sasuke.

“Dinner in again?” Sasuke asked.

“More ingredients to get through? Well, we can’t have those things go to waste.”

Sasuke smiled and let him in. “Do you like beef?”

“Yeah.”

“I was thinking of a beef bowl. I’ll put on the rice.”

“Can I help?”

“No, just make yourself at home.”

It was a little hard in this tiny studio to do anything but sit on his perch by the wall and look around. What he saw made him blush. Sasuke had framed the pictures. The one of Sasuke was standing next to the one of the two of them on the dresser next to the money plant. His clan banner was gone, replaced with framed pictures from the ones he gave to him with the portrait.

Another small change was that it was warmer here than before. So much so, he removed his coat. Sasuke had turned on his heater. Living underground for several years had probably made Sasuke a little more impervious to cold than a normal person. Since Sukea rarely took off his cost, Sasuke must have assumed it was because he was cold. His consideration was appreciated. Though, he wasn’t thrilled to be so exposed without the security of his mask or coat.

Then he noticed a bottle that was clearly perfume on the nightstand. He thought that strange since Sasuke never wore a scent of any kind. It looked feminine anyway. Expensive perfumes didn’t have the most elaborate bottles; cheap ones had the simplest; fancy, pretty bottles suggested a mid-range quality. This was a pink cylinder with an elegant white label, just a hint of a texture to the bottle itself. Expensive. Why in the world would Sasuke have something like that?

The strips of meat were thin and took little time for Sasuke to cook. He made a savory sauce rather than the sweet one usually served in beef bowls. Steamed vegetables were a colorful side dish. He served the meat in a spiral on top of the rice bowl and the veggies on a plate with a few dipping sauces. This didn’t look like a spur of the moment meal he whipped up for his guest. It amused Kakashi that Sasuke was trying to look like he wasn’t putting effort into their time together while he was.

It was getting harder to find small talk when alone with the younger man. Kakashi was going to comment on the banner being gone, but it was a stupid question, it was obvious that Sasuke had put it away because he wasn’t keen on keeping it up. Then a question popped up when he looked over at the photos on the dresser.

“Where’s your team photo?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s lost in the rubble. I left it in my apartment when I left nearly four years ago. I would guess my landlord packed it up when I didn’t come back and pay the rent, so who knows where it ended up.”

“I could probably get you a copy. I’m certain the negatives of personnel and team photos are kept in the archives. If they survived, a copy can be made.”

Sasuke considered. Then the corner of his lips lifted. “Yeah, sure. I think I would like it back. You know, I think I’m going to miss Kakashi when he becomes Hokage.”

That piqued his interest considerably. “You just won’t see him as often. As Hokage, I’m sure he’ll be giving you missions.”

“That’s hardly any kind of interaction. I may have cleared the air with him, but I fear I might have alienated him again. He verbally bitch slapped me today. I wish I knew how best to talk to him.”

“What happened?”

“I make fun of how he’s always late and this time he pushed my nose in it, so to speak. I didn’t realize my comments bothered him. He’s always teasing us, so I thought . . . I don’t know what I thought. He was one of the few who tolerates my attitude, but maybe that’s all he does is tolerate it. Sometimes I just want to stop interacting with others all together because I hate it when I say the wrong thing. Like today. I don’t know how to interact with people. I’m sorry I said that to him. Going over it in my mind, I guess I don’t treat him with respect either. That’s probably why he snapped at me. And he was trying to be nice to me, inviting me to lunch and sparring.”

“Why don’t you treat him better?”

“I feel comfortable enough with him not to act polite. I went too far though.”

“Did you apologize?”

“Not really.”

“You probably should. I’m sure you three are like his kids; he probably feels just as bad for snapping at you. But I don’t think you have to worry about completely ruining your relationship with Kakashi; if your relationship survived everything else that happened, being rude to him won’t finish it off.”

“Why is it so much easier to talk to you? I wish I could talk to Kakashi the same way.”

“Have you tried? Maybe if you had a meal with him like you do with me . . .” This was excellent! If he could push Sasuke to open up to Kakashi he might turn from Sukea.

“He’s about to become Hokage. I want him on my side, but it might be a little late to become friends.”

Sasuke stood and retrieved some shoyu for the rice.

Kakashi despaired; Sasuke wasn’t willing to turn to him. When Sasuke returned, Kakashi put some shoyu on his own rice as well. He smiled at the taste; leave it to Sasuke to procure high level ingredients and sauces. The meat was high grade as well. For a moment, he considered that he might come home to meals like this every night. A wonderful homecooked meal, a beautiful companion, and a home more real than a lonely studio apartment.

“So, when is he becoming Hokage?”

“He told me we have an important mission when Naruto gets back. So at least one more mission. I don’t know how much longer after that. I will miss him. The lazy perv.” Sasuke said that with affection. “That reminds me, my leave is over in about two days. I would like to spar with you sometime. The next two days would be the most convenient.”

“Sorry, my days are pretty full.” He was just as afraid of his wig flying off as Sasuke recognizing his fighting style.

“If you’re still a shinobi, I’d love to go on a mission with you.” He held up a hand to stop his response. “I know. But my team is about to break up. We’ll need a new captain. Though, I don’t really want to share you with the other two.”

He said it lightheartedly, but Kakashi felt he was serious. Sasuke never seriously suggested Sukea reunite with Naruto and Sakura, not even for a second demasking mission. Kakashi didn’t really want to share his time with Sasuke with them either.

“With the way things are going, we might not need a new captain. I complain about the missions we go on, but it’s because they are far easier than a team of our talent and power should be sent on. Though that last one was just easy because of who we are; normal shinobi would have been slaughtered. I wouldn’t be surprised if I get assigned to ANBU. Naruto’s too bright to get transferred into ANBU, but I’m a different matter.”

“Kakashi’s not an idiot,” Kakashi said. “He won’t put you in ANBU. ANBU was probably the worst place for him back then. He’ll know that it won’t be good for you. You have the skills and would excel at it, but it wouldn’t be good for you psychologically. If Kakashi and I could get lost in the darkness, it would swallow you.”

“I’ve already wallowed there once. It’s nice sometimes to just surrender to it.” Sasuke thought about it. “You’re probably right. If I got even the least bit comfortable in a dark place like that again, I would probably never want to leave. It was freeing, but a little like being bundled in a black blanket where nothing could touch you or hurt you.” 

Kakashi gave a tiny laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. That is exactly what it’s like. It’s been a long time since I felt like that. It’s kind of like that feeling when you cry, the catharsis.”

“Yeah. If I could do solo missions for ANBU, I might consider it. But you’re right, Kakashi won’t put me there. I’m going to be so bored.”

“Me too.” Kakashi voiced his true feelings there, forgetting he was supposed to be Sukea right now.

“Hn? Are you retiring for real?”

Kakashi felt a pulse of panic. “I don’t want to, but as you said, we may not be needed as much anymore. At least I have something to fall back on,” he said, referring to photography.

Sasuke sighed. “I don’t. I don’t know anything but fighting.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. You are a good cook.”

“Oh? Want a full-time chef?”

Kakashi’s eyes went wide again for a moment. “I couldn’t afford you.”

“I don’t know about that.” Sasuke was giving him bedroom eyes. Though, with Sasuke’s dark eyes, they looked more threatening and predatory than inviting. Not that threatening and predatory wasn’t a turn on.

Sasuke turned those eyes away to continue his meal, fully aware how distracting he was being. They had a meal to finish before they could engage in any extracurricular activities.

“I like cooking, but it’s not something I want to do as a profession.”

“Pity,” Kakashi said, “you’re very good at it.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to me that you enjoy it.”

“You know, you might not end up out of work, you might get your own genin team soon.”

Sasuke looked horrified. “I don’t think anyone will let me be in charge of children.”

Kakashi hummed in agreement. “You might be as bad as Kakashi was,” he mused.

“I disparage him a lot, but he wasn’t that bad. He was given just the worst students. He never should have passed us. Although, there was no way to shake Naruto and Sakura up into being good shinobi without the experiences we had. Our first real mission to the Land of Waves made all three of us realize just how serious and dangerous this line of work is. Sakura grew up during the Chunin Exams. I was just hopeless. The cards were stacked against Kakashi.”

Kakashi had to agree and he nodded. “I know a little about what happened, but why did you leave?”

“My brother goaded me and then I saw how powerful Naruto had become. Kakashi tried to calm me down, but Orochimaru’s men arrived and promised me what I desired most at the time—not family, not friends or connections—power. So, I left. I knew I was tossing those things aside. I felt bad for Sakura, I would miss Naruto, but I felt like I was betraying Kakashi because of how he tried to connect with me. He did convince me, but then Orochimaru’s men took advantage of my mental state that night.”

Kakashi’s heart ached. If he hadn’t left him alone . . . He had convinced him. He felt some pleasure at that thought though. If Sasuke felt bad enough to feel he betrayed Kakashi, then his words _had_ meant something to him.

Sasuke left him with those thoughts as he took their dishes away and returned with tea. It was oolong this time. Kakashi was warm enough, it was the flavor that lured him to drink this tea with relish. They sipped in silence for a few minutes savoring the tea. It put Kakashi at ease despite the fact he knew Sasuke was waiting to seduce him again.

The silence started to feel awkward with the second cup. Kakashi struggled to find something to break it with. Then he remembered.

“Why do you have a bottle of perfume on your nightstand?”

Once again, Sasuke didn’t make the unnecessary movement of looking at it when he knew full well what Kakashi was talking about and where it was. “That girl I told you pretty much raped me, Karin, she gave that to me as a parting gift. It’s her favorite fragrance. I never opened it.”

“Seems like an odd gift for a guy.”

“She collects perfumes. I don’t think there was anything else she could give me to be honest.” He got a little lost in thought. “That day, we finally sat and talked. She finally told me why she was in love with me. She said we took the Chunin Exams together. The task was to bring a Heaven scroll and an Earth scroll to the center of the Forest of Death. She was Kusa-nin and she was separated from her team. She was attacked by a large bear, but I swooped in and killed it, saving her life. She had the same scroll as my team, so I didn’t attack her. She said I smiled at her and that’s when she fell in love with me and all she ever wanted was to see me smile like that again.”

“That’s really sweet.”

“Yeah.” He hesitated. “It would be if it were true.”

“Huh?”

“I never saved her during the Chunin Exams. Kusa did send a few teams that year; only one got to the Forest of Death and Orochimaru murdered that team and disguised himself as a Kusa-nin. There was no young girl among their shinobi and certainly no other kunoichi with red or pink hair other than Sakura. If I had asked, I doubt she’d be able to name her teammates. I never saved anyone from a bear; I was never apart from Naruto and Sakura for more than thirty seconds. I believe it was a false memory Orochimaru created to make Karin absolutely loyal to me. He intended to possess my body for my Sharingan; being in my body, he could use Karin’s love and loyalty to me to bend her to his will. She would do anything to protect and heal me and him. I decided not to tell her. I did give her what she wanted though, I smiled when I thanked her for all she’d done for me. She left happy. And she gave me that bottle to remember her by.”

“That’s . . . really tragic.”

“Yeah. He brainwashed her into loving me. She’s free of it now. She still has feelings for me, but she’s not bound by them anymore. She also knows I won’t return her feelings.”

“Did you give her anything?”

Sasuke smirked. “She already stole one of my sweaty shirts. I let that be enough.”

Kakashi laughed. “She really was obsessed.”

“She was. But her tsundere attitude in front of others was annoying. When we were alone, she was even clingier than Sakura. Sakura at least was shy around me; Karin was shameless. I guess I wouldn’t have minded if I loved her back, but I didn’t. She wasn’t my type, physically or personality-wise.”

“I think I know your type when it comes to men, but you said you’re bi, what’s your type for women?”

Sasuke considered. “No woman’s really caught my eye. I guess I like long dark hair, dark eyes, and at least something in the breast. Sakura and Karin are both severely lacking in the bust department and in every other category. Someone quiet and affectionate. I wouldn’t want someone who was merely obedient though, who would simply kowtow to me. I feel those two would always only do what they _thought_ I wanted. I want someone with more spirit than that. For a wife, I would want a partner, not a servant. I see too many wives who defer to their husbands without any backbone of their own. Not to say I want to argue all the time. Agreeable, mild, but not subservient.”

_A wife_, Kakashi thought. He may not like his obligations to his clan, but Sasuke would need to continue it. That was always important to him, even as a child. If they did have a relationship, how would he fit in Sasuke’s family?

“Don’t worry about it,” Sasuke said, knowing what Kakashi was thinking. “Like I said, there is no one but you who’s caught my interest. Yes, I find you attractive, but that’s merely part of the reason I’m drawn to you.”

Sasuke took in Kakashi’s mostly bare face with large eyes. Kakashi already felt naked without his mask, but those eyes made him feel it more. The decals and makeup helped, but it was like wearing a thong: it covered some things, but little enough that it was almost worse than nothing. He couldn’t help his eyes darting around in discomfort. Sasuke let his eyes drop to the beauty mark on his jaw before looking away.

“You definitely focused more on personality in your description.”

“You’re quiet, though more . . . alive than I am. Though I’ve been the aggressor here, you could have shoved me away at any time. You let things happen between us because you want it too, even if you’re reluctant. You’re intelligent and thoughtful; you share nearly all my opinions and fears for the world. You may not have long black hair or dark eyes, but you are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. Right down to that beauty mark. But most importantly, I feel comfortable with you. I don’t even feel comfortable with Naruto and he’s my best friend.”

“Beauty mark?” Kakashi touched the dark spot on his jaw. “It’s a mole.”

Sasuke gave him a piteous, condescending look. “It’s a euphemism. But in your case, it’s sincere. You’re handsome, but I think you’d look just a bit plain without it.”

Kakashi blushed. It wasn’t like a raised bump with a hair sticking out of it like a cartoon witch, but he’d still always thought of it as an unattractive mole. Hearing it praised like that made his cheeks flame up.

His cute reaction prompted Sasuke into motion. He shoved the table out the way and crawled toward Kakashi. He wasn’t moving quickly, he gave Kakashi all the time in the world to object or escape, but he only made a feeble attempt to evade him by pressing himself back against the wall; all he did was trap himself.

Seeing how nervous Sukea was, and guessing he was somewhat shy about his appearance, Sasuke weakly threw a kunai at his light switch, weakly and precisely enough that it didn’t harm the switch or wall but turned out the light. The kitchen light was on, but it was behind a corner leaving them in muted light. It did settle Kakashi’s nerves a bit that were nearly in darkness.

The moment Sasuke’s soft lips touched his, Kakashi was lost. It was a gentle kiss that wasn’t demanding or insistent, just affectionate. Sasuke moved his lips to Kakashi’s cheek and down to the mole. He flicked it with his tongue then kissed it. He could feel the heat from Kakashi’s cheeks.

“You _should_ be shy about it,” Sasuke whispered into his ear, “it’s sexy as hell.”

Kakashi groaned at the words as much as the feeling of Sasuke’s breath. So little and Kakashi was already getting hard. Sasuke seemed to sense as much; he rubbed Kakashi’s crotch and sighed at the firmness he found there.

“Sukea,” Sasuke whispered. There was such husky passion in that voice that melted every bone in Kakashi’s body. But Kakashi still had some sense left.

“Sukea isn’t even my real name,” he confessed.

Sasuke pulled his face back to look him in the eye, his hand leaving Kakashi groin to support himself. “Then give me another name to call out.” That left Kakashi dumbfounded. “I suspected that wasn’t your name and knew it for a fact since I’ve been looking into your background. There’s very little about you and it all sounds like the undercover identity of a shinobi. I’m not demanding you tell me anything. I respect anything you want to keep to yourself. But I want to know you, thoroughly.”

And with that, Sasuke gently rubbed his lips against Kakashi’s again. A small lick and then they were in a languid, intimate kiss.

Kakashi brought his hand up to Sasuke’s face, not to push him away, but to keep him there. For nearly a minute, he was paralyzed by Sasuke’s mouth. He loved the way Sasuke kissed. For the moment, he couldn’t conceive sex being any more intimate than Sasuke’s tongue caressing the inside of his mouth. He wanted this moment to last forever.

Kakashi’s hand was drawn to the side of Sasuke’s chest. He had to touch more of him.

Sasuke’s right hand strayed to the hem of Kakashi’s shirt and touched his bare abdomen. In response, Kakashi’s mind on sensual autopilot, he trailed his fingers toward the center of Sasuke’s chest and the opening of his zip up shirt.

Sasuke’s skin was hot against his fingertips. Sasuke pressed a little closer to encourage him further. Kakashi put his hand in the shirt, placing it fully on his chest. Sasuke used his left hand to unzip his shirt completely. As Kakashi slid his hand over Sasuke pec and pert nipple, Sasuke slowly shrugged off his shirt. Sasuke’s right hand slid up, catching Kakashi’s shirt on his wrist and pulling it up, exposing Kakashi’s body, though Sasuke was too preoccupied to look.

Having hiked his shirt up around Kakashi’s neck, Sasuke pulled at it to remove it. Kakashi, his mind too muddled to object, raised his arms to make removing it easier.

Once the offending garment was removed, Sasuke started to lick at his throat and running his teeth over his skin. It felt wonderful.

Then, Sasuke stunned him by pulling away and then grabbed him by the pants and pulled with enough power to drag Kakashi away from the wall. Sasuke pushed him down—his head now clear of the wall—and licked his way down his chest, pausing briefly to suck at a nipple.

For a moment he feared Sasuke would see the crossed scars on his chest from his fight with Obito, but they were well healed, and it was just dark enough. He wasn’t mapping his skin, so he didn’t take note of the shape and size of his scars, just lapped at one of them. Kakashi relaxed and let Sasuke do as he willed. He wanted to touch him but was hesitant to. Finally, he threaded his fingers into Sasuke’s mane and Sasuke nearly purred.

Sasuke spent some time at his nipple but then ventured down to trace the definition of his abdominal muscles. Kakashi was barely aware of his pants and boxers being pulled at until his ass and cock were freed. He was too lost to care at the moment. Kakashi’s head was swimming. He was drunk on Sasuke and high on endorphins. Sasuke had made it down to Kakashi’s naval and inserted his tongue. It was a strange feeling and made him twitch, but Sasuke was undeterred, kissing it like it was a small mouth.

But when Kakashi felt breath on his cock, he was overwhelmed with panic.

Kakashi pulled his hips back and sat up. Pushing his back against the wall again. Sasuke pushed himself up so he was straight-armed and his eyes nearly eye-level with Kakashi’s.

“I can’t,” Kakashi panted.

“Why?” was Sasuke’s almost desperate reply.

“I—I—I love you.”

_What?!_ That wasn’t Sasuke’s voice, but Kakashi’s own inner voice.

“I mean, I mean,” he was stuttering.

Sasuke crawled closer, his erection straining against gravity under his stomach; Kakashi hadn’t noticed when Sasuke removed the last of his own clothing. There was a little anger in Sasuke’s black eyes, but he was restraining himself. If he were a lesser man, he would be ravaging Kakashi by now, with or without consent, he was so horny. A man couldn’t be blamed for being miffed that a potential sex partner was suddenly denying him, but he was handling it like a gentleman: not insisting, not accusing, not forcing a thing.

“I don’t know what I mean,” Kakashi admitted. “I just can’t.”

Sasuke leaned in a little, giving Kakashi the chance to object, then kissed him. Sasuke moved his hand to Kakashi’s thigh and just rubbed it. It was soothing. Kakashi felt his heart slow from the panic, but it was still beating strongly. The hand slowly moved to his cock and gently started stroking him. Kakashi moaned and put a gentle hand on his cheek. Sasuke pressed his entire body closer and Kakashi got the message. He reached out blindly with his other hand, his fingertips coming in contact with Sasuke’s abs. They trailed down toward the younger man’s cock. He almost pulled his hand back at the heat coming off him. But he let his fingertips touch him and trail down his length a bit before closing his fingers around Sasuke’s shaft. They both moaned.

For the first time, Kakashi became the aggressive one in the kiss, pressing his tongue deep into Sasuke’s mouth, using the hand on his cheek was hold him still so he could deepen the kiss.

Sasuke finally pulled away. “Why don’t you want my mouth on your cock?” His voice was incredibly sexy.

Kakashi couldn’t breathe. He took that time to come up with answer. “Embarrassed, I think. I’m afraid to actually have sex with you.”

Sasuke’s face eased. The anger and disappointment were completely gone now. “Why are you afraid? I promise I won’t hurt you and you won’t hurt me.”

“It’s not that. I don’t know what I’m afraid of.”

Sasuke moved even closer, forcing Kakashi to release his cock. He straddled Kakashi’s thighs, their cocks touching. Sasuke kissed him again, this time also sliding his cock against Kakashi’s. Kakashi moaned and reached his arms around Sasuke’s body. Kakashi’s hips started moving on their own, seeking even more of that delicious friction.

Sasuke put a hand on the back of Kakashi’s head and Kakashi was too enrapt to worry about his wig. “Say it again,” Sasuke whispered against his lips.

Kakashi opened his eyes and could only stare blurrily at those dark eyes in front of him.

“Say it again,” Sasuke insisted.

“Huh?”

Sasuke growled in frustration. “Say _it_.”

Kakashi finally realized what Sasuke’s referring to. With a blush, Kakashi admitted again, more consciously this time, “I love you.”

Sasuke moaned and his hips quickened. “Again,” he sighed, his head now flung back, exposing a vulnerable column of pale throat.

“I love you,” Kakashi said with more conviction. It was so true it hurt. It also drove him to pull Sasuke’s body closer and gnaw at any skin that he could reach. He loved him, but he also wanted him. He wanted him more than anything else in his life. This was the first time he felt the need to possess something. He wanted Sasuke to be HIS.

Sasuke’s protracted groan signaled his release. He grabbed Kakashi’s shoulder hard and came. Those sounds and the feel of a man orgasming against him set Kakashi off as well. Their semen mixing between them.

Kakashi’s body relaxed against the wall, his arms falling from Sasuke’s body. Sasuke collapsed forward against him. He was breathing against Kakashi’s forehead, then settled down to rest his forehead on Kakashi’s. Sasuke put his hands on Kakashi’s chest, then his cheeks for a long few moments, then back down to his chest, his arms trembling too much to keep them up.

Kakashi’s strength came back enough to tilt his head up and rub Sasuke’s lips with his own. Sasuke reciprocated and they shared a long, slow, intimate kiss. Kakashi put his hands on Sasuke’s waist as they made out.

This was the first time he ever felt so content, satisfied, and . . . happy. He felt a tear slide down his cheek. He was just so happy for this one moment in his life.

He raised his hand to Sasuke’s face and touched his cheek. Sasuke broke the kiss to pant. He was sweaty. Kakashi reached further up to caress his hair, which was dripping with sweat. He only then noticed the moisture under his wig. He smiled and gave a small laugh.

“I love you too,” Sasuke whispered.

That shattered Kakashi’s peace. He was reminded that Sasuke loved Sukea. The second tear that fell down his cheek wasn’t from happiness. He lowered his hand back to Sasuke’s cheek and rubbed his thumb under his eye. Sasuke’s eyes were shut and they stayed shut. It hurt so bad. He swallowed. “I love you deeply.”

Sasuke took Kakashi’s hand in his, pulling it from his face. He opened his eyes and looked down at Kakashi’s face. “Then why do you want to run away?” Sasuke could feel Kakashi’s tension.

“I’m scared,” he admitted.

The smile Sasuke gave him was brittle. His eyes weren’t smiling at all. Kakashi couldn’t decipher that look and the question was clear on his face. Sasuke kissed him rather than answer him.

Sasuke pulled away, but the way he braced his hand on Kakashi’s shoulder seemed to be a signal to stay put. Sasuke merely dismounted to the side and stretched his body to the grab the blanket from the bed. Their body heat was being sapped away as their sweat cooled. The temperature was dropping fast as the evening wore on and the heater at its current setting couldn’t stave it off. Sasuke remounted him, pulling the blanket over his shoulders like a cape.

Kakashi didn’t like the silence that had fallen between them. There was one thing he wanted to know. “Why are you moving so fast? I know you well enough at this point to know that it’s out of character for you.”

“Is this fast? I waited a few weeks to come on to you.”

“Maybe it’s not so fast, but you seem—” he hated to use the word, but it was true, “desperate.”

Sasuke’s eyes eased, any pretense gone. They were open and . . .

“I’m frightened,” he admitted with a tremble to his voice. “I don’t know this world. Everything I knew has changed. My peers grew up, the village was destroyed, all the feelings and motives I once had are gone. You and Kakashi are about the only things that haven’t changed. Asuma died, Kurenai got pregnant and retired. Gai’s crippled. Neji died. Tsunade wasn’t Hokage very long before I left and now even she’s about to be replaced. Even that damn monument is about to change. Nothing from my childhood is left. I feel even more alien here than I thought I would.” Sasuke was crumbling before him. “In the end, there was no home to return to. Just another unfamiliar place filled with strangers.”

Kakashi hadn’t realized how Sasuke must feel coming home. It was easier for him since he’d watched most of those changes happen and they hadn’t all come at once, but over weeks, months, and years. Sasuke just returned to find it all happened, as if in one moment.

“The way the world’s changing scares me. Peace will kill our kind. I don’t know anything else. I’ve lived most of my life with enemies to seek, but now . . . I have nothing. It feels like the village and the whole world has turned their backs on me. I feel cast off. Directionless. I don’t know what to do and it terrifies me. I’m afraid of this new world.

“At least you haven’t changed; you’re from I world I knew and understood. You worry about the change in this world too, but you don’t seem as anxious about it. With you at my side, I might survive all this.

“And I do love you. It’s not just desperation, I love you.”

Kakashi pulled Sasuke closer and held him. He never thought he’d see Sasuke collapse like this. He’d seen him at his worst after Danzo died, but this broke his heart even more than when Sasuke broke back then. They both shifted into a more comfortable position, Kakashi better securing his arms around the young man. Sasuke was silent, but Kakashi could feel the despair radiating off him and moisture on his skin. Minutes later, he felt Sasuke fall asleep. He turned his face toward those spiky locks feeling the heat of his scalp and the cold tips of his hair.

Soon, Kakashi fell asleep too, still holding fragile younger man in his arms.

\-----

Sleeping on the ground with his back against a wall with another person pretty much on top of him wasn’t the most comfortable position after a few hours. Kakashi woke up to find Sasuke hadn’t moved in the slightest, but he could feel his chest moving against him. His legs were stiff and his ass and shoulder blade numb. He tried to ease away without waking Sasuke, but that was impossible.

“Should move to your bed,” Kakashi said.

Sasuke leaned back, freeing Kakashi. “Stay with me,” he asked. The way he said it didn’t sound like he meant for the night. 

“You don’t even know who I am.”

“Then tell me.”

“I’m more than flattered that you love and trust me so much, but you aren’t in love with who I really am. You wouldn’t love him.”

Sasuke attempted to put his hand in Kakashi’s hair, but Kakashi grabbed his wrist gently to stop him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Kakashi said. “But knowing who I am will hurt you.”

“I can take care of myself. I can deal with anything as long as you don’t leave.”

“I . . . won’t leave.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Kakashi started laughing. He couldn’t help it. “I’m a shinobi. I’ve been lying since I could talk.”

Sasuke managed a small smile. It was fragile, so fragile.

“How about this: I will never lie to you from this moment on.”

Sasuke’s smile strengthen. “That could be another lie.”

“It’s not. I will not lie to you anymore. I love you.”

“Tell me everything.”

Kakashi’s eyes widen with fear. “No. I can’t. You would hate me.”

Sasuke’s face grew hard. “Why?” His voice was suddenly chillingly hard.

Kakashi realized what Sasuke thought he meant. “No, I didn’t have anything to do with Uchiha massacre. But I am a former ANBU. I’ve done terrible things.”

“We’re shinobi; we’ve all done terrible things. I’ve done terrible things. But you know those things, don’t you?”

“Most of them, maybe.” He was struggling. “What is it you love about me? You don’t know me.” The last was pleading.

“Why do you love me?”

“Touché.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He rested his hand on Sasuke’s thigh next to him. His skin was getting cold. “It’s cold, get into bed. I’ll stay for a while, but I’ll leave before dawn.”

“Leave?”

“Not the village.”

“I’ll settle for that for now.”

Kakashi felt Sasuke was putting up a wall between them. Perhaps that was for the best. But he didn’t want that.

Sasuke stood and went to the bathroom. Kakashi heard the faucet run. Sasuke came back with a damp towel. He tossed it to Kakashi. It was warm. He used it to clean up and tossed it back. Sasuke’s eyes flashed up to his eyes. He had to know the shapes on his face were decals from looking at his face so closely and his eyelids were covered in makeup from the smell. He seemed disappointed Kakashi didn’t wipe his face. He went and shut off the kitchen light, leaving them in darkness.

Sasuke came back and pulled at the sheets, preparing for bed. Kakashi stood and followed Sasuke into bed, bringing the discarded blanket with him. Sasuke lay on his side, his face away from him. Yep, there was wall there now. Sasuke felt rejected.

“Can I hold you?” Kakashi asked.

Despite the chill coming off him, Sasuke said, “Yes.”

Kakashi settled an arm over him. He felt Sasuke melt.

“I do love you more than anything,” Kakashi whispered. “I’ve never loved anyone before, just you.”

“Me too.”

“I knew you were an arrogant, egotist bastard, but that’s extreme.”

Sasuke chuckled. The wall was coming down. “I’ve only loved you, bastard.”

Kakashi tightened his arm around him and kissed his hair. “I will be gone in the morning, but I love you.”

“Hn.”

\-----

Kakashi woke up naturally before dawn. He woke up to the smell of Sasuke’s hair and the warmth of his body. He carefully got out of bed with all his stealth to keep Sasuke from waking. He checked that his wig and face decals were still in place. They were. He dressed hurriedly, depending on Sasuke’s hatred of waking up in the mornings.

He escaped and made his way home, again making sure no one, especially Sasuke, followed him.

Entering his apartment felt overwhelmingly lonely. The bathroom light stabbed at his eyes when he turned it on.

Kakashi looked up at the mirror and stared at the purple decals he used to cover his scar. What if he were to kill off ‘Kakashi’ and tattoo those purple shapes on his face and truly become ‘Sukea’? Few would ever be able to see through him. He could dye his hair regularly and learn to style it like his wig. To become Sukea and remain as Sasuke’s lover . . . He’d been able to lose himself temporarily in a fake identity in the past. Could he do that long term? Could he forget his past and truly become the photojournalist? To kill ‘Kakashi’ and become ‘Sukea’?

Kakashi braced himself on the counter and lowered his head. It depressed him because it was possible. Except for his scar, he could easily turn into Sukea. He could even attend his own funeral. Shake off Gai, shed his reputation, forget his past, and claim Sasuke.

But he would be lying to Sasuke for the rest of his life. He could lie to himself, but lying to Sasuke? Could he keep up something like that around Sasuke forever? Sasuke would see through him eventually. That would hurt them both beyond repair.


	5. Chapter 5

Kakashi wasn’t very late this morning, but Sasuke was, nevertheless, abnormally grumpy.

“Rested up, Naruto?” Kakashi asked.

Naruto hardly looked awake. “Barely. I could sleep for another week.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and didn’t engage with his teammates. 

“Who killed your puppy?” Kakashi asked, as callous as he could pretend to be.

Sasuke glared and Kakashi shut the hell up and turned to the other two. “I wasn’t briefed on this mission yet; Tsunade wanted to explain it to all of us in the security of her office.”

That got Sasuke’s attention.

Kakashi led his team to the Hokage tower. They were admitted immediately.

“I apologize for the last-minute information,” Tsunade said, “but I couldn’t let this information leak out. I also understand this mission might be problematic for all of you, but you have skills and experience we need for this assignment.”

Kakashi could feel Sasuke stiffen. Kakashi was certainly concerned; there weren’t a lot of things that their team was specialized in, especially since they hadn’t done a lot of missions together. Bijuu and demigods from space were the only things he could think of.

“A group of about a dozen shinobi have been gathering near the Land of Waterfalls. They are stylizing themselves as a new Akatsuki.”

The aura coming off Sasuke was cold. Naruto was angry. Sakura was determined, not acting scared or meek like when these three were mere genin.

“In what way are the imitating Akatsuki?” Sasuke asked.

“Powerful, warmongering mercenaries looking for powerful people and creatures. We’re pretty sure they haven’t captured a Bijuu and we doubt they have ability, but we can’t take that chance. You four have the most experience fighting the Akatsuki and their ilk.”

Sasuke scoffed. “A bunch of idiots. Kill or capture?”

Tsunade was aware of Sasuke’s aversion to killing—Naruto and Sakura weren’t exactly murderers either. “I want you and Kakashi to interrogate who you can. I think it’s best to kill them.”

Kakashi was prepared to deliver the finishing blow as he often did with this team. He may not be ANBU anymore or as coldblooded as he once was, but eliminating the enemy was always his job. Nor did he want these kids to get as used to killing as he was. He smiled. Kids. They were all sixteen and considered adults.

“The Akatsuki destroyed the village and sparked a war, I don’t want people to find out about this and panic. We may not think they have the ability to collect Bijuu, but they are very powerful S rank criminals. Do anything you feel necessary.”

“Understood,” Kakashi said.

Tsunade eyed Sasuke. “Go.”

\-----

They hadn’t gone five miles when Sasuke jumped to the lead of their formation and gave a signal that they were being followed. Then he signaled that he would deal with them. The team continued while Sasuke dropped to the ground and split off to the side. After a few minutes, Kakashi led the others to double back toward Sasuke. They found Sasuke pinning a man to a tree, staring into his eyes with the Sharingan.

Kakashi landed several meters away so he wouldn’t startle or disturb him. It wasn’t long before the man collapsed to the ground. Sasuke ignored the unconscious man and turned toward his team.

“Well?” Kakashi asked.

“They figured Konoha would send a powerful team,” Sasuke said. “They hoped I would be one of the shinobi sent.”

“Why in the world would they want Konoha to send you?” Naruto demanded.

“They wanted to recruit me,” Sasuke scoffed.

“What? For real?” Naruto exclaimed.

“They knew I was a member of the real Akatsuki for a short time and thought I’d like to join their new group. Like I would want to join a stupid Akatsuki fan club. Fools. All shinobi are mercenaries. Should I kill this one?”

“I’ll do it for you,” Kakashi said. He killed the unconscious man. “I’m glad you weren’t tempted.”

“I have reasons to be loyal now.”

Kakashi felt a flutter in his stomach.

\-----

They hunted down four members of this new group before hitting their base. Twenty-four members including their leader were inside the base. It was a harrowing fight, even for the incredibly powerful team. They laid waste to the base and the forest around it.

At the end, Kakashi was exhausted, pulling himself up onto the top of a pile of rubble. Sasuke was standing nearby sucking in air with his head back. The fight had even put a strain on the young powerful Uchiha. Few drove him to use the Susanno, but he’d been forced to resort to it when squaring off with the leader and his most trusted members. Naruto threw himself on a flat area to rest. He’d made full use of Kurama and Senjutsu. Sakura was sitting with her head down and shoulders slumped. She’d been the one to shatter the ground and the base.

Kakashi went over to Sasuke and sat down. Sasuke practically collapsed next to him.

“You okay?” Kakashi asked.

“Took a sword to the arm, but it’s just a flesh wound. You?”

“I’m fine. Just going to drop dead from exhaustion.”

“Oh, don’t do that,” Sasuke sighed. “Then I would have to write up the report for this mission.”

Kakashi gave a weak laugh.

Sakura staggered over. “Let me see your arm,” she said to Sasuke. Kakashi watched distractedly as Sasuke stripped his shirt and let Sakura heal the long cut along his right arm.

“Naruto, you alive?”

“Yeah.”

“Are there any more?” Kakashi asked.

“Give me a minute.” Laying on the ground, Naruto was able to meditate and use his Senjutsu to scout for any more powerful jutsu in the area. “No, we got them all.”

“There’s a town a few miles north of here. Let’s head there and get a pair of rooms for the night. We can rest up before heading home. Sasuke, can you summon a hawk to send a message home?”

“Give me a little time to recover.”

“Take all the time you need. I don’t want any of us to keel over from chakra exhaustion. A fight like that, makes me want to retire and become Hokage.”

Sasuke actually laughed. “Not since the war have I felt this tired. Twenty-nine fucking nuke-nin. Tsunade needs to get better intel.”

“Five minutes rest. I don’t want to wait any longer than that; we might not be able to move if we don’t get moving soon.”

\-----

They rented two rooms at an inn, one for Sakura, one for the males. Kakashi summoned Bisuke to stay with Sakura to keep watch while she slept. The other room had only two beds.

“Who gets the floor?” Sasuke asked. “I’m not sharing a bed with Naruto; I’ve already had the shit kicked out of me today.”

Kakashi was too tired to laugh, only a meager chuckle. “I don’t toss and turn; you can share my bed.” He was also too tired to be embarrassed by that idea. “The floor would be too much for any of us in this state.”

Kakashi stripped off his shoes, vest, and pouches and eased himself down onto the bed, trying to stay as close to the edge as he could. Naruto threw himself on his bed. Sasuke was hesitant to even remove his sword from his back.

“We sleep next to each other on the ground all the time,” Sasuke said, “why can’t one of us sleep in Sakura’s room?”

“I don’t suppose Sakura would object to staying alone with you. In fact, I think she’d be thrilled.”

Sasuke’s throat vibrated with a nearly silent growl. He removed his sword and started to peel off his other equipment. Kakashi closed his eyes. Sasuke lay next to him.

Kakashi grew very aware of Sasuke’s proximity. He hoped he wouldn’t turn in his sleep and cuddle with his subordinate.

\-----

They slept for nearly seventeen hours, not even Naruto’s snores woke them. Luckily, Kakashi and Sasuke were too exhausted to move in the slightest while they slept. Kakashi woke up and looked at the clock. Ten in the morning.

Kakashi looked over at Naruto. He was sprawled over the entire bed, his mouth open and mumbling. Sasuke hadn’t moved next to him, his mouth was hanging open and breathing deep and slow. He should have looked as ridiculous as Naruto, but he wasn’t.

It took Kakashi over a minute to realize he was staring at Sasuke. Well, he wasn’t fully awake. It was good that he was out of it; if he were any more capable, he would have been tempted to touch Sasuke. He thought about the last time they were together, the feel of his warm, bare chest.

He was starving. They hadn’t eaten since before they attacked the enemy base. Kakashi dressed and went out to find food for them all. He wasn’t surprised to find that the two boys were still asleep. Of course, the moment Naruto smelled food, he woke up.

“Ramen . . .”

“Sorry, no ramen.”

That exchange woke Sasuke.

“I’m going to get Sakura,” Kakashi said. He went to the next door and knocked loudly. “Sakura, food. For you too, Bisuke.”

Naruto was staring at the food when Kakashi returned. He realized Sasuke was protecting the food from the vacuum. He saw a red mark on Naruto’s arm where Sasuke had smacked it away.

The team almost never ate together like this at a table, not at all since Sasuke had called out to Sukea. Kakashi felt awkward sitting next to Sasuke with Naruto across to him, Sakura on his other side and Bisuke right at his hip. He was supremely aware of Sasuke at his side. The same side he sat at when they ate in Sasuke’s apartment.

Bisuke ate next to him but kept looking up at his master. He was aware that Kakashi was feeling off.

They were all recovering and half asleep, so their meal was silent. Kakashi had grown used to conversation in these circumstances and felt awkward in the silence.

Kakashi noticed Sasuke stealing a glance at him, struck as well by the familiarity of the situation. He had an older man he respected just to his right around the corner of the low table.

“Are you all well enough to head back home?” Kakashi asked.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said.

Sakura nodded and Naruto nodded as well because his mouth was full.

“Up to running or are we walking?” Kakashi asked them.

“I’d like to run,” Sasuke said, “but we should probably walk to start.”

“Eager to get home?” Kakashi asked.

“Hn.”

\-----

Once they walked out the soreness in their muscles, they were back to jumping through the trees. It still took two days to get home.

“Good job. Dismissed,” Kakashi announced when they entered the village gates with his usual amount of enthusiasm. None.

Naruto and Sakura ventured off, but Sasuke loitered.

“I thought you were eager to get home,” Kakashi said.

“I just wanted to thank you for trusting me.”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t think I would betray you after I admitted they wanted me to join them.”

“Why would I think you’d betray us? I mean, you told us what they wanted and you let me kill the guy.”

“Just accept my thanks.”

“I don’t want you to think I would even doubt you like that.”

“I’ve heard people talk: I’m a compulsive traitor.”

Kakashi scoffed. “That’s not true; I’ve always known that. I understand why you made the choices you did. I might not agree with them, but I know why.”

“It just means a lot that you have faith in me.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve only once really lost any faith in you, but that was because you tried to kill Sakura and attacked the Kage conference. That was the only time I doubted you.”

“I wasn’t completely in my right mind. Thank you, Kakashi.”

“Good work, Sasuke.” He mused the younger man’s hair. For a moment, it caught Kakashi off guard that he was so much taller. He’d mused Sasuke’s hair since he came home, but he was usually sitting when he did. Sasuke was truly an adult now.

“Go home and rest. Even I can tell your chakra hasn’t replenished.”

“You need to rest too. Old man.”

He said it with affection, so Kakashi wasn’t offended. “I will.”

He went off to make his report. After what Sasuke just said, he was hesitant to report that this would-be Akatsuki wanted to recruit Sasuke. He did turn them down, killing his share at their base. He couldn’t in good conscious not mention it. So, he gave a full report to Tsunade who was eager to hear the result of the mission herself. He made sure to praise Sasuke highly.

“I would think Akatsuki would give Sasuke bad memories of his brother,” Tsunade said. “Foolish to try to recruit him.”

“I think it did bring a few memories up, but he channeled it into killing the enemy.”

“Thank you. I know this was probably hard on the entire team.”

“Mostly just angered them. We were all pushed to our limits but survived.”

“Sasuke killed some of them?”

“They were all forced to. There were far more shinobi than we anticipated; it was a kill or be killed situation; he didn’t have a choice.”

“Did it bother him?”

“Not really. I didn’t see any remorse or anything. Why?”

“He would make a fine ANBU if he wasn’t so averse to killing.”

“No. Sasuke should never join ANBU. I will never recommend him and I would advise him against it.”

“You know him best and know what ANBU is like. Alright. You’ll be the next Hokage so I will leave any such decisions to you. Good work. Dismissed.”

Kakashi picked up some instant food on the way home but was too tired to make it when he got home. He just stared at it before sitting on his bed. He fantasied about Sasuke coming to his door right now with take out in hand. He would love him for it. The boy was probably asleep already. The sun was just setting.

Despite the growl of his stomach, Kakashi took off his vest and pouches and laid down, not bothering with a sheet or blanket, just laying on top of the bedding and falling asleep.

\-----

Kakashi woke up to a soft rapping on his door. It was dark out. He slid a hand over his mask to ensure it was in place and staggered to the door. His eyes widened at seeing Sasuke there.

“What is it?” he asked with a concerned voice.

“Did you sleep in your uniform?” Sasuke asked.

“Yeah, was too tired to change. What are you doing here?”

Sasuke looked nervous. He hesitated, choosing his words. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I knocked as softly as I could.” He paused. “Were you just teasing that you didn’t know anything about Sukea or do you actually know where he lives?”

“Huh?”

“I just haven’t seen him in a while, and I’m concerned.”

Kakashi rubbed his hair and blew out a breath. “I’m sure he’s fine, but no, I can’t say where he lives. Has it been a long time since you saw him?” Kakashi knew it wasn’t unusually long; a day before they left and not even a day after.

“Not really.”

“Are you just lonely?”

Sasuke glared at him. It turned amused when Kakashi’s stomach growled.

“Did you not eat when we got home?”

“Too tired.”

“There’s an all-night market. I could eat.”

Kakashi was a moment realizing Sasuke was asking him to have a meal with him. Once that fact slipped into his groggy mind, he turned to gather his wallet and key, then followed Sasuke.

They didn’t speak as they walked the deserted streets. The market had a variety of Bentos. The only freshly cooked things they had were deep fried, something Kakashi was not a fan of, and sweeter offerings that didn’t appeal to either man. They went with the prepackaged Bentos.

“I’ll pay,” Sasuke offered. “I woke you up.”

Kakashi allowed his subordinate to treat him and they sat on a retaining wall nearby to eat, the lights of market giving them enough to see their meals.

At first, Kakashi thought this would be a silent meal; he was so hungry that he was more focused on eating than his companion. Sasuke was eating more slowly.

“What’s it like in ANBU?” Sasuke suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“Tell me what being in ANBU is like.”

“Why? You’re not thinking of joining, are you?”

“No, but I’m curious.”

Kakashi ate a bit of rice before answering. “Dark. It’s a lot of killing. I think I probably killed five hundred people during my time in ANBU. Maybe more. There was a time, albeit a short one, where I killed about seven enemy shinobi a day. I killed Konoha shinobi as well. Traitors. I was even part of Root for a time.”

Sasuke looked at him with shock.

“Danzo convinced me that Saratobi was partially responsible for Minato’s death. Luckily, I quickly realized that I was being manipulated and turned on him.

“I shouldn’t tell you about it, but there was a mission were my partner and I were sent to shadow another team. Their mission was to exchange information with another village, hopefully the beginning of good diplomatic relations with that village. Danzo and Saratobi believed it might be a trap, so we were sent to protect the team and wipe out the enemy, when more likely than if, they betrayed us. Of course, they attacked the team. We were to kill everyone. If they were wounded, we finished them; if they ran, we killed them. Their bodies were left in the open to find: a message not to fuck with Konoha.

“The members of that team were horrified by what we did, that we’d killed the injured and those who ran and no longer posed a threat. I couldn’t understand why. It was our mission; these were the enemy. Now, I can understand it, even if I don’t feel it. Murder is one thing, killing on a mission is far different. Perhaps it’s because it’s the Hokage who chooses to kill, I was just the instrument, the kunai. Still am.” Thinking back on it, brought back the fatigue he felt back then. His voice grew deep and rough as he spoke.

“Minato wanted to keep me near him, but I know he regretted putting me in ANBU. I think he’d admit he was being selfish, didn’t consider just what that life would do a fourteen-year-old already dealing with trauma. I don’t blame him though. I don’t really regret that time in my life; I don’t know how my life would have been different.”

“Hn,” Sasuke hummed in understanding.

“Honestly, when I become Hokage, I will want to keep you by my side, but I will not put you in ANBU. I would never do that to you. I don’t want that kind of fate for you. I care about you too much.”

Sasuke stared into the darkness. “Thank you.”

“Don’t trust that ANBU,” Kakashi said, his voice still rough.

“Why? What do you know about him?”

_Everything_. “He was quick to blame you three when you infiltrated the archives. He’s an adept liar and he’s killed just as many people as me. Don’t trust him.”

“He’s one of the only friends I have. I do trust him.”

“Be very careful. Trust that man and you will get hurt.”

Sasuke hesitated, taking that warning seriously. “I’m willing to take that chance.”

Kakashi struggled with his conscious. “Thank you for meal. We should both get some sleep.”

“Thank you for answering my question.”

\-----

If Sasuke was willing to come to Kakashi’s apartment to ask after Sukea, Kakashi knew that he would worry Sasuke if he didn’t visit tonight.

Sasuke opened the door before Kakashi could even knock, obviously waiting and listening for him to arrive. Sasuke greeted him with a wide, relieved smile and hugged him right there on his doorstep. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come back.”

“Huh?”

Sasuke pulled him inside. “You didn’t come back the night before I left.”

“I wanted you to get rest before your mission.”

“I was afraid I put you off.”

“Put me off?” Kakashi was honestly confused.

“Pouring my burdens on you.”

“No. I wouldn’t . . . I wouldn’t leave you for opening up.” He wanted to say that he would never abandon him, but he had once; not on purpose, but he had. “I love you more for it.”

Sasuke kissed him. It wasn’t erotic. They didn’t open their mouths or anything like that. Just a closed mouth kiss. Somehow, that made Kakashi feel even worse about this deception. It was an innocent kiss.

“Let’s go out tonight,” Sasuke suggested.

Kakashi agreed. He didn’t really want to be alone with Sasuke now, uncomfortable with how relieved Sasuke was, how happy he was.

They went to the restaurant where they met.

“I’d still like to train against you,” Sasuke said.

Kakashi waved him off. “I’m afraid you’d wipe the floor with me. I’m not nearly as strong as an Uchiha.”

“I know how to hold back.”

Kakashi mimed scratching the back of his head. “I doubt you could lower your power that low.”

“I like your self-deprecation, but I think it’s unwarranted, _ANBU_.” Sasuke let his personae fail; he looked lovingly at his dinner companion. In public. Kakashi was stunned by it. He giggled weakly in embarrassment.

Sasuke was more self-aware than Kakashi thought. He shut his emotions away before the waiter could see them. They were fortunate that their booth was in the back and it was slow night so no one could have seen Sasuke’s slip.

“I’m out of practice,” Kakashi said once the waiter left them again. “I would just embarrass myself. Um, how was your mission? You said it was S rank, right?”

“Harder than we thought it’d be. Bad intelligence. It was an actual challenge. The Hokage wants it kept quiet, so I can’t talk about it.” He hesitated. “But I want to talk about it.”

Sasuke sighed and glanced around to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard. “I confessed to you how this village makes me feel—isolated, alien, detached. While I was on that mission . . . I was offered so much more. They offered me a life I understand and even love, a life of battle and challenge. It was a stupid little mercenary group, but they asked me to join and even lead them. It was hard to find reasons to say no. I spent years living as an outcast, a criminal, in hideouts we changed often. Almost nomadic. Free. I could leave practically when I willed. Here, I have to ask, let someone know. I would just tell Orochimaru I was going and he couldn’t really stop me. I feel more like a prisoner here. It might be fun, being a rogue again. But they were idiots and there are people here I really don’t want to disappoint. And yet, I was _almost_ tempted.”

“I’m glad you decided against it. I understand wanting that kind of freedom, but I’ve always found some comfort in orders and duty. But to go on challenging missions until you tire of it, that does sound nice. I probably am reaching that point.”

Sasuke scoffed. “You’re in your thirties, right? You have at least a decade left, if not two. As the next generation turn away from the shinobi life, we older ninja will be needed.”

“I guess I haven’t really begun feeling my age.”

Food arrived. They’d ordered à la carte.

“I spoke to Kakashi about you.”

“Huh?” Kakashi of course knew what Sasuke meant, but he was still thrown by the topic.

“He really doesn’t trust you. Do you have history with him?”

“Nothing negative.”

“Hn. He does think it was pretty low that you blamed us for that archive mission.”

Kakashi shrugged. “If you have a patsy, use it. I knew you three wouldn’t get into trouble, but as you pointed out, I might have gotten into trouble being former ANBU. But what we did wasn’t that bad. I didn’t take anything else, though it would have been great cover.” Kakashi took a bite. “But he is right: I’m not to be trusted.”

“Neither am I. I’ve been called a compulsive traitor and I was imprisoned when I first returned home.”

Kakashi had very mixed feelings about Sasuke’s imprisonment and the methods used. He hated seeing Sasuke like that. “I heard about that,” Kakashi said. “I thought you’d be more resentful.”

Sasuke sighed. “I deserved it. I was only in that cell for a short time and then pardoned.”

“It was a shitty way to treat you. Imprisonment is one thing. Seals and . . . I don’t even want to think about it.”

“You must have been high up in ANBU to know about that.”

Kakashi scoffed. “I didn’t need high clearance to know about it. Rumors did enough. Konoha’s done a lot bad by you.”

“Thank you. It feels good to have someone acknowledge it.”

“I don’t want to pity you, but you have suffered greatly at the hands of this village.”

“Normally, I would hate pity, but it’s a degree to love.”

Kakashi was shocked Sasuke would use that word in public. Granted no one could probably hear them, but it scared him. If they had been alone in Sasuke’s apartment, Kakashi might have reached out to him to touch him. He wasn’t horny, he just wanted to touch him, be closer to him. Talk of the way he was imprisoned made Kakashi want to hold him, even if in retrospect holding him might make him remember what it was like to be completely bound the way he was.

“I suppose it is.” He was so rapt with Sasuke in that moment, thinking about how much he wanted to touch him, that his voice was almost Kakashi’s rather than Sukea’s. “Sympathy doesn’t sound as condescending.”

“Sounds better,” Sasuke agreed. “I’ll accept it. From you.”

“I’m glad that despite it all, you chose to come home.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice, but right now, I’m glad I did too. I’m trying to believe in what Konoha stands for, trying to believe in Naruto’s point of view.”

Kakashi didn’t like that word, ‘trying’. That meant Sasuke didn’t truly believe in either. At least, not yet.

“Well, I think the most solid way of putting the past behind us all is for one of your kids to become Hokage after Naruto.”

“Maybe. That’s another thing I fear, becoming a father. I will do it—I have a duty to my clan and brother, even Konoha. But not yet. I want to make sure this village is a safe place to raise an Uchiha first.”

“How do you mean?”

“Two of my clansmen were behind this last war. I joined Akatsuki. Itachi was a pariah for years. My clan was slaughtered because they were planning a coup. I suspect there are plenty of people in this village who believe they would be better off with no Uchiha.”

“Hmm. I didn’t think of that. Kakashi will protect you and your family, of that I’m sure.”

“I don’t want him to have to.”

“I understand.”

Their talk turned to mundane things as they got deep into their meal. Sasuke insisted on paying.

“Come over?” Sasuke asked when they were outside.

“Yeah.” Kakashi knew it was a horrible decision. Just Sasuke’s presence was like alcohol in his brain. Not only was his reason slipping, he was craving another shot, craving Sasuke’s lips and his touch. He was an addict. Even when he knew nothing good could come of this, he followed Sasuke home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intended at least one more scene in this chapter, but it's proving very hard to write. I think you understand why. 
> 
> I have a poll on my Facebook about what and when I publish; I'd appreciate the feedback.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Sasuke's birthday, he gets laid!

Kakashi felt amazingly awkward following Sasuke into his apartment. He knew there was only one reason Sasuke asked him over tonight and it wasn’t for a cup of tea.

Luckily, it seemed Sasuke was a little unsure as well. Rather than turning on Sukea the moment the door was shut and kissing him senseless, Sasuke turned on the light and removed his shoes. Kakashi removed his own, nervous that that might not be the only clothing he removed tonight.

Once their shoes were discarded in the small genkan, Sasuke hesitated a heartbeat then gracefully stepped in to kiss him. Kakashi’s eyes shut in ecstasy. Nearly his whole body was tingling.

The kiss didn’t last as long as Kakashi thought it would. Sasuke pulled away.

“Tell me, what do you want out of this relationship?”

That was a far more serious question than he expected. “More than anything else, your friendship. I enjoy our time together. But if I could have anything in the world without consequence, I would gladly be your lover. What is it you want?”

“The same. I’m not afraid of any consequences. I’m willing to be open about our relationship or hide it. I do want to continue my clan, but, if you’re willing, I want you at my side even then. I love you without reservation.”

Kakashi’s heart was breaking. “But there will be consequences. When you find out who I truly am . . . I will lose you forever, I know it.”

“How can it be that bad? If you had nothing to do with my clan’s deaths, the conspiracy against them, then why would I hate you?”

“Perhaps you won’t, but I’m too afraid to tell you. I don’t want to lose you. Not yet.”

“Even if I hate you later, why are you so afraid to have sex with me? You want to. Take advantage of the fact I don’t hate you now and I want to have sex with you. If I come to hate you later, the fact we had sex won’t turn the scale in any significate way.”

Taking advantage of him, having sex with him, might hurt Sasuke more. Even if they became no more than Hokage and subordinate, they would never be able to look each other in the eye again.

And yet, there was a chance Sasuke might be able to forgive him. There was a chance. Either way, he could taste bliss briefly before Sasuke either forgave him or hated him forever. If Sasuke was going to hate him, why did matter? Sasuke wanted this.

He brought up a hand to caress Sasuke’s cheek. He was pretty sure this would make it harder for Sasuke to forgive him later, but at least Sasuke would know how reluctant he was. The fact Sasuke admitted he’d been the slightest bit tempted to leave and the sympathy he felt for him earlier might have been corrosive to his resolve. Kakashi let himself be swept away. He kissed Sasuke in defeat.

It was filled with desperation on both sides. He needed to be with Sasuke. He needed to feel him, taste him, comfort him, protect him. He needed to show him how much he loved him. He needed to let the boy who felt so isolated and hated that he was loved. He was safe with him.

Sasuke started to undo Kakashi’s coat and Kakashi sought out the zipper to Sasuke’s shirt. Kakashi wore a simple blue t-shirt under his coat. Sasuke wore nothing under his zip up shirt. Sasuke aggressively stripped off his shirt while Kakashi eased his coat off and let it fall to the floor.

Sasuke’s hands moved up under Kakashi’s shirt. He expected Sasuke’s fingers to be cold, but they weren’t. His hands moved over his abs and the scars from his fight with Obito. His stomach muscles twitched at that.

He silently begged Sasuke to look at his scars, run his hands over them. _Recognize me,_ he begged. Sasuke did explore Kakashi’s body, but he didn’t follow the scars to ‘see’ where they led and how they were shaped. Sasuke had this one chance to ‘unmask’ him. Instead, his hand strayed down to slightly push Kakashi’s pants down a few inches to feel the beginning of his bare hips.

Kakashi was more hesitant to touch him. Sasuke was shirtless while Kakashi’s was still hiked up his chest. Sasuke moved in closer so their bare stomachs touched. Kakashi opened his mouth wider to suck in a breath. Sasuke sucked on his lower lip while he tried to breathe. Kakashi opened his eyes to see Sasuke staring right back with half closed, sultry eyes.

Tentatively, Kakashi put his hands on Sasuke’s arms, feeling the smooth, sculpted muscle. Feeling that Sukea was relaxing, Sasuke pulled them closer together. Kakashi could feel Sasuke through their pants. He wasn’t jutting out obscenely, but he could feel the hardness against his own.

Sasuke did not push Kakashi’s pants any lower, just enough he could feel the swell of his hips. Though they had established consent well enough, he didn’t want to scare off the nervous older man. Rather, he pulled his hands away to drop his own pants, his boxers with them. He hooked his arm around Kakashi’s neck.

Kakashi became aware that Sasuke was completely naked so he pushed his own pants down. Sasuke peeled Kakashi’s shirt off. Now they were both naked, erect, and pressed against each other.

Sasuke finally stepped back. He shut the light off again, trying to put his soon to be lover at ease. Kakashi could only see the shape of him moving with the scant light of the moon as he walked to the bed. Kakashi had to navigate by memory around the table and its cushions. Sasuke pushed the bedding aside and stepped back, grabbed Kakashi’s arm, and guided him to sit. He prodded him back until Kakashi’s back was braced against the wall at the head of the bed, his hips squishing the pillows behind his back.

Sasuke didn’t have a headboard, just a mattress on a frame, so beside the pillows, Kakashi’s back was against the wall.

Sasuke straddled him, braced himself with a hand on the wall over Kakashi’s shoulder. Sasuke pressed his mouth to Kakashi’s.

Kakashi wondered why Sasuke was delaying—not that he wasn’t pleasantly drowning in Sasuke’s kiss. He raised his hands to Sasuke’s chest, feeling his strong body. One hand crept to Sasuke’s sure shoulder and his neck, then that thick, black hair. The smooth strands were cold. The chill in the night air barely touch them, the heat of their own desire and the other’s wrapped them in heat.

When Kakashi applied a bit of pressure to pull Sasuke a little closer, Sasuke shuffled forward on his knees, his right hand darted forward to grab Kakashi’s bicep to steady himself. Kakashi then realized why Sasuke had been delaying: Sasuke’s fingers were wet with lubricant. He’d been preparing himself.

Kakashi’s stomach sank. But his lust overwhelmed it. He never wanted anything as much as he did now. He’d never had sex with a man and truly, the physical pleasure wasn’t what he was desiring, it was the connection, the intimacy. He was to be _with_ him, inside him, a part of him.

Sasuke’s slicked hand left Kakashi’s arm. He sat back, applied more lubricant to his hand, then wrapped his fingers around Kakashi’s length. Strong, slick fingers gripping and stroking him made Kakashi groan, his eyes rolled back and his mouth opened in ecstasy. Sasuke rubbed his thumb over the head of Kakashi’s cock. Kakashi’s lower stomach tightened. He writhed. It was quite dark, but their pale skin glowed in the dim moonlight. Sasuke was watching his reaction with intense eyes.

“Stop, stop,” Kakashi begged. “Too much.”

Sasuke lowered his hand, leaving the head of his cock alone, but not releasing his grip on his pulsing shaft. His thumb could not stop moving though. It slid up and down as if absently. He kept Kakashi’s desire stoked but allowed him to come down from the brink.

Once, he felt his lover was ready, Sasuke shuffled back a bit and pressed both hands on Kakashi’s shoulders to make him shimmy down into the position Sasuke wanted. The pillows behind him now bracing him. In this position, Kakashi’s shoulders rested on the wall, his lower back against the bed. Sasuke sat on his thighs, but he could easily sit right on Kakashi’s erection.

He crept closer as Kakashi fully came back to himself. Sasuke’s cock was fully erect, straining and shinning with precum. Kakashi’s own hardness was insufficient to hide Sasuke’s even though it was towering from his hips. More than lube was shinning on the length, the head weeping enough precum that it looked more like cum.

Sasuke brought up the tube and poured a large dollop onto Kakashi’s cock. It mixed with his own essence and ran down all the way to his heavy balls.

Sasuke came closer, his cock brushing Kakashi’s. Then he raised his body up, moving his hips over his lover’s. The head of Kakashi’s cock drew over Sasuke’s scrotum, perineum, and finally over his ass. Sasuke settled down on Kakashi’s stomach.

Kakashi didn’t know where to look. Sasuke’s face high above him, his hard cock below, or his reddened nipples on that chiseled chest right before him. Kakashi pulled him gently forward to kiss one of those tantalizing nubs, to lick it and suck it into his mouth. Sasuke sighed and yielded to him, forgetting his intent and just leaning into Kakashi’s greedy mouth. Kakashi felt Sasuke’s heat against his abs.

Kakashi slid his hands to Sasuke’s ass. There was definitely hard muscle, but it was covered with a just enough flesh to make it pleasant to squeeze.

Finally, Sasuke pulled away and reached behind him to guide Kakashi’s cock to his entrance.

The smooth skin sliding over the sides of his cock was heavenly. He felt a thrill of panic, though, when he touched solid flesh. They were really doing this. Sasuke was arching back to hold Kakashi’s cock in place as he eased himself down.

Breaching him felt like nothing else. The seemingly solid flesh admitted him. So tight. Sasuke’s breathing increased in volume; he was taking deep, measured breaths. Whether it hurt or not, Sasuke didn’t stop. Kakashi thought he might cum when the head of his cock fully penetrated him and he tightened around the top of his shaft. Sasuke gave a small moan and hesitated. It seemed far easier for Sasuke to ease himself the rest of the way down, though he did so slowly.

Finally, Sasuke was sitting on Kakashi’s hips. He was towering over his lover, but he bent his back and pressed his hips even further down to look at his face.

Sasuke slid his hand down Kakashi’s arm and slipped his hand under his. He knit his fingers with Kakashi, gripping his hand. Kakashi opened his eyes to stare up into the dark pools, only lit up by the scant moonlight making Sasuke’s sweat moistened skin and the whites of his eyes glow. The feel of Sasuke gripping his hand overwhelmed him.

“I love you,” Kakashi whispered. He already knew from their last encounter how much that affected the younger man. Sasuke did shut his eye in bliss and let his head fall back.

Then Sasuke rose up an inch. Kakashi wasn’t anticipating the suction that caused. It was like Sasuke’s body didn’t want to let him go. But Sasuke quickly fell back down.

The expression of his face was hard to decipher. “Does it hurt?” Kakashi asked.

“Stings a bit. It’s been about a year. You’re a little larger than what I’m used to.”

That caused a tumult of emotions. He didn’t want to hurt him, but it felt so good. He was flattered that he was larger than his previous partner, but he also hated the fact anyone else had touched him, done this with him.

“I hate this position, but it gives me far more control,” Sasuke added.

Kakashi realized it must be stressful on his thighs. Honestly, Kakashi didn’t like this position either.

Sasuke started to slowly move, not only up and down, but back and forth, varying the way his body stroked him. Kakashi could feel Sasuke relaxing around him.

After a few minutes, Sasuke straightened, letting Kakashi’s cock slip out of him. He dismounted and Kakashi got the idea. They switched places, Sasuke laying his head on the bunched-up pillows and Kakashi moving between his legs. Sasuke helpfully brought one knee up and the other leg lay out to the side to give Kakashi enough room to join with him.

Reentering him felt better than heaven. Sasuke was looser and more relaxed, but that didn’t lessen the pleasure. He shut his eyes as he slid inside him. He wasn’t really religious, but he let out a whisper of, “Kami.” He missed the smirk that prompted on Sasuke’s face.

When he was fully inside the younger man, he opened his eyes and looked down at Sasuke’s face. His body was blocking some of the faint light, but he could see enough. Sasuke wasn’t in any pain, his eyes were bright and relaxed, his cheeks flushed, his lips darker than ever.

_What am I doing?_ he asked himself. But that small voice of reason melted away as Sasuke reached out to grab his arm and pull him closer. Still inside him, Kakashi leaned down to kiss him. Sasuke remembered that Sukea didn’t like him trying to touch his hair, so he kept his hands his shoulders and neck.

Somehow, it felt like his love was increasing, overflowing within him. He wanted to do anything for Sasuke, to obey his every whim. He’d never been in a genjutsu that was meant to control him—only torture him—but he figured this is what it must feel like.

Kakashi started moving his hips. Ecstasy was the only word. He devoured Sasuke’s mouth as he rocked into his body.

He was gentle at first, unsure and nervous, but as the pleasure ratcheted up, he grew more relaxed and, not confidant per se, rather, his doubts and misgivings were lost in a sea of desire. Sasuke grunted with the force and pleasure. His clutching hands at Kakashi’s back became claws with blunts nails, but they did leave red welts as Sasuke felt his climax building.

Kakashi might have given some thought to ejaculating inside a female lover, but in the state of desperation he was in, he might not have. He released an unrestrained flow of semen into his young lover and gripped the bedding on either side of Sasuke’s head with the strength of a man strangling his dearest enemy. Sasuke ripped his lips away to gasp and pull in air as his own orgasm assaulted him. He groaned as his body tightened.

Sasuke relaxed first, his body settling into the mattress while panting. Kakashi blurrily looked down at him and was reminded of their last mission when Sasuke was panting so hard he had to tip his head back to claim enough air.

Kakashi felt as tired as he did after that fight. Somehow, sex and orgasm wore him out as much as fight against thirty S class criminals.

His erection softened and withdrew. Kakashi wanted to fall to the side but was hesitant to lay his sweaty body on the bedding pushed to the side.

In his hesitation, Sasuke put his hands on Kakashi’s jaw and brought him down to kiss him. It was the sweetest kiss of his life. Whatever hormones or endorphins were running through his blood made the kiss even more meaningful than ever before. He loved him and he felt that coming back through from Sasuke as well. For a long minute, there didn’t seem to be a way they could ever regret this. This moment was all that mattered. Neither cared about the sweat or smearing of lube or the streaks of cum on cock, stomach, ass, and thighs. Neither cared about the soiled sheet or anything else in the world. They were together.

Later, Kakashi would be grateful that he couldn’t speak. In that moment, he would have made every promise in the universe to Sasuke, none of which he could keep. And Sasuke could have asked of him anything. There was no rationality or consequence. He would have left with Sasuke that instant and resurrected Akatsuki if Sasuke suggested it.

But neither could even whisper what they both knew.

Exhausted and out of breath, Kakashi settled his body on Sasuke’s and lay his head on the pillow right next to Sasuke’s. He needed to rest, just for a moment. He shot his soul inside of Sasuke along with his semen. At least, that’s what it felt like. Sasuke put one arm around his waist to lay his hand on his back. A serene moment, only troubled by the roar of their breathes in the other’s ear.

Soon, life started to spread back through his body. Not only that, but he even felt his cock stir as it hung over Sasuke’s inner thigh. Sasuke felt it and hummed with amusement.

“Ready for round two?” Sasuke whispered.

Kakashi snorted his own amusement. “I will be soon.”

He turned and tried to lay between Sasuke and the discarded bedding. Sasuke scooted over but remained on his back. Now on his side, Kakashi ran his hand down Sasuke’s chest and stomach, petting him affectionately.

“I do love you so much. I adore you.”

“You know how much I love you,” Sasuke responded.

“Yeah, I do.” So much so, Kakashi was actually jealous of himself.

From the amount of light in the window, Kakashi reasoned the moon was directly above them now. The lower window frame reflected some moonlight into the room, lighting up the ceiling.

Looking out from the bed, over Sasuke’s body, the room seemed even smaller and more depressing. He finally asked the question that had been bothering him since he first entered the apartment. “Why did you choose this place? There are far better studio apartments than this.”

“It’s cheap.”

“You’re not lacking for money, are you? Even a lowly chunin could afford better.”

“No, I’m not lacking for money; I’m saving it. I chose the cheapest place I could find so I could hoard my money. If I’m to resurrect my clan, I’m going to need a sizable house. Or, if I have to flee, I’ll need money to sustain me and rebuild a life elsewhere.”

“Flee?”

“Like I said before, there are plenty of people in this village who might think they are better off if the Uchiha go extinct. I’m ready to leave if it comes down to it.”

“I would do everything in my power to protect you. But if you did have to leave, I would go with you.” Kakashi meant that. If earlier he would have said anything, no matter how untrue, that he said with all sincerity.

Sasuke looked at him with grateful eyes, then turned onto his side to fully face him. He put his hand on Kakashi’s cheek. He didn’t try to disrupt the decal or the makeup, so Kakashi didn’t panic, just relished the weight and warmth of that hand. Sasuke rolled forward to press his lips to Kakashi’s.

He wanted him again. Their bodies had been cooled by the sweat from their previous bout, but now the heat between them was growing again. Sasuke moved so that he was on all fours. Kakashi got the hint. There was still enough lube and Sasuke was still relaxed.

Kakashi felt he was even deeper inside his lover this time. Rather than remain straight behind his lover, Kakashi leaned over his body and wrapped his arms around Sasuke. He could barely move more than rolling his hips, just some shallow thrusts. This was fine for the first few minutes of slow exploration, but he couldn’t keep it up.

He straightened, letting his hands run down Sasuke’s body as he did. They stopped at Sasuke’s hips and Kakashi put more force behind his motions. Sasuke moaned with only pleasure. He even started to rock back to increase the pace and force.

The thrusts eventually grew until Sasuke’s body was being pushed up the bed. He nipped that in the bud and just crawled up the wall so he was on his knees, his upper body pressed against the wall. Kakashi approved. He even wrapped an arm around him, using that to hold him relatively still as he battered him with his hips.

It took much longer for the to reach their climaxes, but they finally did, their body pressed as close together as possible with Sasuke’s back molded to Kakashi’s chest.

Sasuke half turned as he came down from his orgasm to kiss his lover. Kakashi kissed him with just as much desperation as Sasuke. They petered out, even more exhausted than the first time.

Kakashi helped Sasuke scuttle back and they lay down, Kakashi not letting go of his grip around Sasuke’s body. This time they didn’t just rest of snooze, they fell into a deep sleep, never untangling or covering themselves with the blanket.

\-----

Kakashi woke up with his cheek on Sasuke’s shoulder blade. The moon filled the window lighting up the room. He sat up and smiled down on his sleeping lover. Then he noticed the dark smudge on Sasuke’s skin. Slightly panicked, he carefully left the bed and went to the bathroom. There was enough light to see that his makeup and decals were still in place, just a little smudged. Being up, he eased the door shut to muffle the sound of him taking a piss.

He waited until the flushing ended to open the door, but all his caution was wasted; Sasuke was sitting up staring at him. That was a bit disconcerting since he was still nude. He was worried about the scars on his chest that might identify him, but Sasuke’s eyes were blurry and looking at his face.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Sasuke didn’t sound sleepy, but his eyes were narrowed with sleep.

“No. I was trying not wake you. Since you’re awake,” Kakashi turned and wet a washcloth with hot water. He came over and wiped Sasuke’s back. “My makeup smeared on you. I might have drooled on you too,” he added with a laugh.

“If you always wear them, why not get them tattooed?”

“Easier to go undercover.”

“Why not take them off around me?”

Kakashi thought. “They make me me.”

Sasuke turned toward him and put his hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. The moonlight fell on Sukea’s face. “And the wig?”

Kakashi knew Sasuke would have to have recognized the fact he was wearing a wig. “Balding?”

Sasuke pulled Kakashi into a kiss. It wasn’t passionate or lusty, but sweet and slow. It made Kakashi smile as they parted.

“I won’t leave yet,” Kakashi said. “I do need to leave before dawn; I have to get ready at home. But I won’t leave yet. Let’s go back to sleep.” He kissed Sasuke’s lips briefly. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He pulled Kakashi down with him to the pillows.

Kakashi didn’t remember falling asleep, he must have the instant his head touched Sasuke’s pillow. The moon was gone, replaced by predawn light. Sasuke didn’t wake this time when Kakashi left his bed. He silently dressed and slipped out the door.

The morning was clear and cool. Kakashi felt light as he walked down the main street, the village still silent. He was happy. Even the knowledge this happiness could not last didn’t dampen it. He was resolved. He knew that he’d probably had the most wonderful night he’ll ever have. He had to tell Sasuke the truth.

Killing Kakashi and becoming Sukea was not the way. Sasuke respected him. He may not be like Sasuke’s father, but he was a type of father figure for him. If he died, Sasuke would lose another father. If Kakashi were to tell Sasuke that Sukea had died on a mission, Sasuke would be heart broken. Either lie would devastate Sasuke. And if he ever found out the truth, Sasuke would hate him.

No, he had to tell Sasuke the truth.

Kakashi took a deep, refreshing breath. He was resolved. He felt a peace much like when he saw Choji escape. He might die by Sasuke’s hand for this deception. He was ready. If he didn’t die, he was at least going to lose Sasuke forever. But maybe, just maybe, Sasuke would forgive him. Kakashi smiled. There was a modicum of hope left in his soul. For the first, and likely last, time in his life, he knew what it was to love and be loved. It was enough. He would never be happier. He was at peace. Sukea or Kakashi would die tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I really wanted Kakashi to liken the experience to a religious one, but I didn’t want to use the Western “Oh, God,” so I used “Kami.” I often have this problem of not want to use “god” in sex scenes and usually replace it with “fuck,” but I usually don’t like to invoke the kami. I have studied religion, including Japanese religions, but I’m still not comfortable being so familiar with Shinto’s deities/spirits.


	7. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Kakashi!
> 
> So, I posted the first chapter of this story one year ago. Still not finished. ^_^

Kakashi went to the archives after a few hours’ sleep to see if he could get a copy of photo of Team 7 for Sasuke.

The negatives had survived and Kakashi didn’t have to wait long for the photo to be printed. At least he could offer Sasuke this before he broke his heart.

Kakashi decided to have lunch at Ichiraku. The last time he ate there was with Sasuke as Sukea. It was a little late for lunch; there was only one other person there. They sat well separated, each against a wall.

Kakashi’s mind was consumed with Sasuke. He ate slowly and stirred and plucked at his ramen. Eating with his mask was better than second nature, so without attention, he kept his face covered. His mask was a comfort. He even wore his headband pulled down over his left eye despite the fact his Sharingan was gone.

He was hardly aware when he finished his meal. He put his hands together in thanks for meal and put down his money.

He pushed aside the banner with the back of his hand and stepped out into the street. And stopped dead. He was almost face to face with Sasuke.

“Sasuke!” To face the man he’d just been thinking of frightened him, as if Sasuke was summoned by his thoughts.

Sasuke started back. “Kakashi,” he greeted. “Late lunch?”

“Yeah.” Kakashi tried to regain his composure. “I had a busy morning.”

“Hn.”

“You look . . . rested.” Actually, Sasuke was practically glowing. He was lovely. Kakashi couldn’t stop his eyes dropping to Sasuke’s red lips for a moment.

Sasuke’s cheeks dusted with a blush. Kakashi died a little.

“Is there something wrong?” Sasuke asked, his eyes narrowing at him. “You haven’t worn your headband over your eye since Naruto restored it.”

“Oh,” Kakashi put his fingers over his covered left eye. “Habit.” He pushed the headband up to uncover it. “I didn’t mean to keep you,” Kakashi tried to end the conversation and flee.

“I’m not in any hurry. I was just going to pick up some groceries.”

Was he planning on making dinner for them both again? That peace and resolve he felt this morning had evaporated. There was a coward corner of his heart who just wanted to disappear from Sasuke’s life and never face the consequences. But another who wanted to keep up the sham and be Sasuke’s secret lover as Sukea.

“You look pale,” Sasuke commented. “Are you ill?”

“Tired. I kept waking up.”

“You look like shit.” There was no concern in Sasuke’s voice, but his eyes were full of it.

That made Kakashi laugh nervously. The fact he was planning on seeing Sasuke later today to admit to everything made him feel sick. Sasuke would soon know why Kakashi looked like shit. “I’m on my way home. I’ll probably take a nap.”

Sasuke hummed. “I’ll see you later,” Sasuke said, taking his leave.

Kakashi was truly feeling sick. “Yeah. See you later.”

Even if his resolve was shaken, he knew he couldn’t survive this stress much longer. He pulled his headband down again, hiding most of his face.

\-----

Kakashi considered showing up to Sasuke’s door as himself, but it might be harder to convince Sasuke he was Sukea. It was easier to strip Sukea away to reveal Kakashi.

He hesitated at Sasuke’s door. He raised a hand to knock, but left it hovering near it. He touched the cheap door and ran his hand down it gently.

When did he become a coward? He knocked.

Sasuke looked relieved to see him when he opened the door. The smile on his face killed him. The last thing Kakashi wanted to do was break Sasuke’s heart. That was inevitable. He could try to lie to himself, that he withheld the truth so long and wanted to continue the lie for Sasuke’s benefit, but it was his own selfishness that dug him this deep.

“You’re earlier than normal so I haven’t started dinner,” Sasuke said as Kakashi came in and shut the door.

Kakashi had no idea what to say, but he knew he wanted to give Sasuke the photograph before anything else. “I got a copy of your team photo.” He held it out.

“Thank you,” Sasuke looked legitimately happy. Kakashi questioned all his life choices that led him to this moment.

Sasuke took it out of the envelop to look at it. He huffed a small laugh and his smile grew. “If you want to know what our team was like, this is it. I was angry at the world, Naruto was jealous and angry at me, Sakura was just happy to be on the team, and Kakashi was trying desperately to hold us together. I actually miss those days. Thank you.”

Kakashi wished death would just crash down on him right there. To see Sasuke happy and smiling at the photograph of them all just made him feel how much he loved him. How much he was about to hurt him.

“I’ll start dinner,” Sasuke said, putting the picture down.

“Wait,” Kakashi said. Sasuke stalled with a curious expression on his face. “I’ve decided I have to tell you the truth. After last night . . . which was the best night of my life—I can’t deceive you any longer. Just, no matter what, believe that I love you deeply and I never meant to hurt you.”

Sasuke didn’t look worried; he was convinced Sukea was overreacting. But he stood in front of him, ready to hear the truth.

Kakashi opened his mouth, but he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t speak. It seemed silly anyway to say ‘I’m Kakashi.’

He closed his mouth and reached out for Sasuke’s hand and slowly guided it to his right cheek. Kakashi closed his eyes while Sasuke slowly peeled the decal away. That cheek was blank, so he didn’t expect a reaction. But he then went for the decal on his left cheek. Sasuke lifted the corner with a thumb nail, but Kakashi seized his wrist before he could pull it away.

“I never meant to deceive you. Well, I did, but not in a relationship. I’m very sorry. I don’t want to lose our friendship. Please, forgive me.”

Sasuke couldn’t answer. Kakashi waited a moment before releasing Sasuke’s wrist. His eyes darted down, unable to look at Sasuke in the long moments before his secret was revealed.

Sasuke picked at the corner again and pulled it away, exposing the lower half of his scar. Kakashi raised his eyes to look at Sasuke, unable to bare his expression of betrayal, but unable to stand the suspense of what Sasuke reaction would actually be. He rubbed the makeup from his left eye, revealing the part of the scar Sasuke would actually recognize. Kakashi took hold of both of Sasuke’s hands in the moment it took for Sasuke to process the sight and held Sasuke’s hands over his lower face, covering it as his mask did. Sasuke paled and his eyes widened slightly. Kakashi pulled at the wig which he had left unsecured. Sasuke’s hands dropped slowly from his face. Maskless, Kakashi was suddenly in front of him.

“I’m so sorry, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, his voice cracking between his Sukea intonation and his natural one. He wiped at the makeup covering his other eyelid.

Sasuke just stared. He didn’t look betrayed or surprised. There was no emotion in his eyes.

Kakashi panicked not perceiving any reaction. “Say something.”

“You were fucking with us back then.”

_That_ is what Sasuke was focusing on? Kakashi let out a nervous chuckle and rubbed at his matted hair. “Back then, yes. But I didn’t intend any of this.” His voice was finally back to his true tone. “I didn’t know you were at that restaurant. I was just trying to not be myself. I mean . . . I wanted to be ignored that night, so I disguised myself. But you asking me to join you and talking to me like a friend, I couldn’t give that up. At first, I thought it was fun to deceive you, but I really enjoyed your company. I didn’t mean to . . . I’m so sorry. You have every right to be angry. I will understand if you never want to see me again, in any way. But I do love you.”

Sasuke still didn’t respond.

“Sasuke?”

Sasuke’s expressionless mask was up. The look in his eyes was one of assessment. Kakashi concluded he was too shocked to really know how he felt.

“I really am sorry. I didn’t intend for it to go this far. I just became harder and harder to tell you the truth. I truly did fall in love with you that night when you kissed me. I didn’t want to hurt you, but after that, I just couldn’t confess.”

Still receiving no reaction, Kakashi babbled on. “I considered faking my death so I could remain as Sukea to be with you, so you would never learn the truth. Dying and styling my hair, a few tattoos and I become the man you want me to be. I thought about it seriously more than once. A nice bloody explosion while on a mission. I would do anything for you. I wish I could be the man you love. I wish I could be Sukea. I envy him. I envy a man who doesn’t even exist. If you ask it of me, I will do it.”

Still behind an unreadable mask, Sasuke said evenly, “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.”

Kakashi looked down. “I know. I understand.”

After a few silent moments, Kakashi turned toward the door, ready to leave Sasuke. But Sasuke grabbed his upper arm, halting him. Kakashi tentatively turned to him.

Sasuke put his hand on Kakashi’s cheek and slowly touched his lips to his, closing his eyes as their lips touched. Sasuke was hesitant; Kakashi didn’t want to force it, but he opened his mouth to lick at Sasuke’s lips. Sasuke opened his mouth and allowed Kakashi to deepen the kiss. This might be the last time Kakashi will ever kiss Sasuke, so he did so passionately, like he could consume him. Sasuke didn’t pull back.

“Could we start again, please?” Kakashi asked breathlessly against Sasuke’s lips, his eyes open to slits to look at Sasuke.

Sasuke’s eyes opened slightly. “No.”

Kakashi’s heart sank.

“We’ve come too far and know each other too well to start from the beginning.”

Relief flooded him. “I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“It will take that long,” Sasuke said. “I can’t forgive you right now.” Kakashi could hear a faint trace of betrayal in Sasuke’s voice, a waver of unshed tears. He had hurt him.

“I know.” He was going to leave Sasuke to process all this, but Sasuke stopped him again.

“Don’t go.”

Kakashi looked back at him. Sasuke never looked so fragile. “I won’t.”

Sasuke embraced him. Kakashi wrapped his arms around Sasuke’s back. One of Sasuke’s hands tangled in Kakashi’s ragged hair. “I guess you’ll let me touch your hair now?” His voice was weak but had a hint of humor in it.

“Yes. I like having my hair touched actually.”

Sasuke relaxed in his arms. “It all makes sense now. Your fear. Your hesitance. Fuck, you’re an asshole.”

“Yeah, I am. I really am. I warned you not to trust Sukea.”

“That you might be Kakashi did cross my mind. I wondered who I knew had your height and I might not recognize with a little makeup and a wig. You were the only one. But I didn’t think you’d do something like this.”

Kakashi held him tighter.

“It’s a good thing I like you.” Sasuke’s voice was strained, but he said it lightly. “The things I said to Sukea, I didn’t want to say to you.”

“I know. I understand. I just really wish I was the man you wanted to open up to.”

“I respected you too much. I didn’t want to show you how weak I really am.”

Kakashi released his hold on Sasuke and leaned back to look Sasuke in the face. “I don’t think you’re weak. I understand your fears and I think they’re justified. Even at your worst, I was never ashamed of you, I never thought you were weak. I think the only person I’ve ever been ashamed of is myself, for my many failures and especially for failing you.”

“You didn’t fail me.” He huffed. “You should just be ashamed that you couldn’t just tell me the truth the night I first kissed you.”

“I am. I’m ashamed how cowardly I am when it comes to you. I just didn’t want to lose you. Not as a friend, a teammate, or lover.”

“I was going to make dinner,” Sasuke said, turning away from Kakashi and the topic. “Hungry? I suppose I know why you were looking ill this afternoon.”

“Yeah. I have an appetite again.”

“Hn.”

Sasuke started preparing dinner and Kakashi didn’t know what else to do, so he followed him to the kitchen.

“Can I help?” Kakashi asked with a quiet, neutral voice.

“No, it’s half prepared.”

Kakashi settled right behind Sasuke, leaning back against the wall. Sasuke hadn’t yelled at him, grown teary-eyed with betrayal, or thrown him out, but he didn’t offer forgiveness or say he still loved him, just that he did like him. Kakashi wasn’t sure what their relationship was at the moment. It left him uncomfortable.

Neither of them spoke for some time, but Kakashi knew there was something he needed to say. Nervous, he said, “Um, about the night you left the village . . . I’m sorry I left you. Of course, if I had any idea Orochimaru’s men were targeting you that night, I would not have left your side for an instant. I didn’t just abandon you for a mission either. I was just giving you to time alone to process everything: your fight with Naruto, the things I said. I didn’t mean to abandon you that night.”

“I understood that. I did want to be alone. But part of me did feel abandoned. Part of me wished you’d stayed.”

“If you hadn’t left the village, we might have lost against Kaguya. But even all things being equal, I wish I had stayed and you had remained with us, even if it meant we all died later. I should have stayed.”

“I should have stayed too. But I don’t really regret it.”

“So, you forgive me?”

“I forgive you. For that.” As he said it, he turned around. It wasn’t Kakashi standing there, nor was it Sukea. Sasuke felt like this was some stranger, completely bare faced. That was clear to read in Sasuke’s eyes. Kakashi covered his mouth with a hand out of shyness.

“This is going to take some getting used to,” Sasuke admitted. He blushed and looked away. “You’re actually better looking than Sukea.”

“Really? How?”

“I can see your whole face and your natural hair is more attractive. And that goddamned mole.”

Sasuke turned back to continue preparing dinner. Kakashi, smiling at Sasuke’s shyness, put his arms around Sasuke’s waist, not trapping Sasuke’s arms, allowing him to work. He felt Sasuke tense up. Kakashi thought he overstepped and began to pull away, but Sasuke put a hand on Kakashi’s arm. “No, it’s okay. Sorry. I’m not quite comfortable with this.”

“You don’t have to be sorry; you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m the one who’s wronged you. Don’t apologize.” He retightened his embrace. As he breathed in the clean scent of his hair, Sasuke seemed to melt. “I can more openly promise you that I will protect you. From anything. And if you were forced to flee, I would abandon everything and go with you.”

“That means far more coming from you than from Sukea; you have a lot to leave behind.”

Kakashi hummed as he thought about it. “No, not really. Two other students and a few friends. A job I don’t want. But I do have a life here. I would give it up for you. I nearly did. If it wasn’t for this scar, I might have chosen to fake my death. But I decided I couldn’t lie to you for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t be fair to you. It may be egotistical, but I also didn’t want to make you grieve for me. Same for killing Sukea; I didn’t want to break your heart.”

“I appreciate that.”

“I never wanted to do any harm to you. Of any kind.” He kissed his hair and finally did pull away so Sasuke could finish cooking. He went to the bathroom to properly wash his face and pluck out his contacts, shedding the last of Sukea. Feeling more awkward than ever being left to his own devices in Sasuke’s home, Kakashi just took up his position at the low table and just listened to Sasuke move about.

Sasuke began bringing out their dinner. Kakashi started to stand to help, but Sasuke waved him back down.

“You really missed your calling,” Kakashi said looking at the full meal laid out before him.

Sasuke sat in his usual spot, not choosing to sit further from him. “Maybe. If the world was more peaceful when I was a kid.”

“Times will be more peaceful, but never at peace.” Kakashi raised his cup of tea. “Here’s to job security.”

“To job security.” Sasuke took a sip. “I’ve given that a lot of thought. I’m the last person in the world with a Sharingan and a Rinnegan. I thought about leaving. There are those who would attack Konoha for my eyes. But if the world is more peaceful, there will be fewer who would come for me. If they attacked and I wasn’t here—well, you and Naruto could take care of that. But I would feel guilty not being here to help.”

“You’ll stay?”

“I’ll stay. I could have protected the village from without, but perhaps I’ll be more valuable within.”

“You’re valuable to me wherever you are. Always have been. But I want you _here_.”

“I’ll stay.” Sasuke wasn’t angry, but he wasn’t as open and relaxed as he normally was when they had dinner together.

“Will you stay in this apartment? If you’re not hording your money, you can get a larger place.”

“I’ll remain here for the time being. Why move?” After a few minutes where they both just ate, Sasuke said, “I think you should still disguise yourself as Sukea when we go out together.”

“Huh?” That threw Kakashi off considerably.

“I don’t want gossip; I think you should be Sukea when we do go out. People are already used to seeing Sukea and I.”

“Well, it does make eating easier.”

“But when we’re alone together, no masks: physical or mental.”

“That is going to be hard. I’ve been hiding behind a mask of laziness and apathy for a long time. I’ve been more open to you to than anyone in my life. I never want to lie to you or deceive you again.”

“I don’t really want you to change. I fell in love with Sukea, but I always did like you too. If your real self is a mixture, I’ll be happy with that. I don’t want you to stop being the infuriating bastard jounin. I hope what you truly are is what I fell in love with.”

“I hope so too.”

“When we’re outside, you are either my captain or my friend. When we are alone . . . I’m not sure I’m ready to be lovers. I want to continue the relationship we have, but I need time to get used to the idea of having sex with my ex-sensei.”

“I understand. It took me quite a bit of time to accept it. I will give you as much, or as little, space as you want. Now you understand why I was so hesitant to sleep with you.”

“Hn,” Sasuke hummed contentedly. “Seducing and teasing you was a lot fun,” he said with a smirk.

Another silence.

“So, that teammate you were telling me about, that was Obito?” Sasuke asked, his tone finally returning to how it normally was when they had dinner together.

A little more hopeful at Sasuke’s relaxed tone, he responded with renewed cheer. “Yeah. He was a lot like Naruto. Trying to show off and prove himself. Competing with me.”

“And when you said you almost died?”

“When I really died. I want to assure you, everything I said to you when I was Sukea was true except when it came to who I am. I didn’t fake any opinions or make up stories. When I spoke about myself, I mean, spoke about _Kakashi_, I spoke the truth.” He felt a bit embarrassed because he’d said a lot about himself in the guise of another’s observations. He covered his lower face with a hand again.

Sasuke eyed him. “Don’t do that,” he said, pulling his eyes away. Correctly reading Kakashi’s thoughts, he said, “Neither of us should really be embarrassed. We spoke the truth to someone we trust.”

“I just really feel exposed right now. If I didn’t have my mask, I had the decals and wig; I always have something to hide behind. Now, I don’t. I admitted a lot to you too that I wouldn’t to anyone else; things that it was hard to admit even to myself.”

“Same. We’re _almost_ even then.”

So much of the meal passed in awkward silence, it was a relief when it was done. Sasuke didn’t offer tea this time. Kakashi stood up. Not knowing what to say, he just nodded and headed for the door.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.” There was no sexual invitation in Sasuke’s voice; he sounded hesitant. “Stay the night?”

Kakashi smiled softly at him like Sukea did. “Yeah.”

Sasuke’s eyes were so vulnerable. Sasuke was aware of it and turned away. He turned off the light, leaving them both to partially strip and find the bed with the scant moonlight that was coming from the other side of the building.

They laid down on their backs very close, but not touching.

“This is awkward,” Kakashi confessed. Silence. Sasuke turned onto his side, his back to Kakashi. This was familiar. “Can I touch you?” Silence. It was going to take a lot of time to recover from this.

“Yes,” Sasuke whispered.

Kakashi turned onto his side too and put his arm over Sasuke’s side like Sukea had before. He felt Sasuke’s body relax. His own arm relaxed and slackened a bit as he started to slip off. He still didn’t feel secure, but he was without that sinking sense of dread he’d been living with for a while now.

Sasuke maneuvered his hand under Kakashi’s and laced their fingers. Kakashi smiled and relaxed behind his lover.

“I love you,” Kakashi whispered. He didn’t expect a reply.

“I love you. Kakashi.”

Kakashi devoutly hoped Sasuke didn’t realize he started to cry.

TBC


End file.
